Season 1, Episode 14, “Half a Love Story”

So now there’s some chick named Robin who knows Danny somehow and is auditioning for a job at his news station.  Danny insists that since they’re such close pals she should stay at the full house while she’s in town.

Jesse shows up at the station and immediately sets to work on banging her.  She agrees to go out on a date with him tomorrow but neither of them know that they’ll both be staying at the full house tonight (Jesse never gave her any context for who he was, he just showed up at the station and started hollerin at her).

Before he leaves the station, Jesse hands Michelle off to Danny with no warning 15 seconds before Danny has to go on the air.  Man, it really bothers me how the Uncles do such a lousy job at watching those kids.

Back at the Full House, the kids have a meta moment where they remark about how they have no idea who the fuck Robin is.  You and me both, kids.  Meanwhile, Joey’s in the kitchen trying to make take-out look like homemade food.  Stephanie catches him and uses the opportunity to vent to Joey about her self-esteem issues.  Some broad name Jill enters the scene and for a second it seems like we’re gonna get two inexplicable characters in one episode but then we find out that she’s some hoe that Jesse keeps on the side for when his balls get heavy.

Jesse comes home and makes the discovery that Robin knows Danny (still no explanation about how they know each other) and that she’ll be staying at the full house.  Jesse’s all jazzed that he doesn’t have to wait a whole day to bang her anymore but then he realizes that Jill’s in the house.  Jesse almost gets away with sneaking Jill out of the house but then Joey fucks it all up and the next thing he knows, Jesse’s sitting at the table between a chick he wants to bang and a chick he bangs in between banging chicks he’d rather bang.  What a sticky situation!  You’d think that someone else in the family would try to help him out but no one does.  I guess that’s how it goes when you’re the only person in an entire family who ever gets laid.

After dinner Robin breaks her date with Jesse.  She says she’s been out with a bunch of crappy jerks like him before but Jesse tries to convince her that he’s a stand-up guy (incidentally, there’s no follow up as to what happened with Jill-she just disappears forever without any explanation).  He starts to persuade her but this time Danny  salts his game.  After she kicks him out of his own room the rest of the family stand around the hallway and smile at him like a bunch of sexless antagonists.

In the morning Robin is hanging out with the girls when Stephanie smashes her finger.  Robin gets all moist when she sees how compassionate Jesse is with children.

Later Jesse is at the station again and decides to give Robin some tips for her newscasting audition.  He follows up with a hammy and embarrassing performance and then he gets all pushy with the casting people, which is, of course, how he deals with everybody all the time.

Back at the full house the family celebrates Robins new job.  Robin takes Jesse out back for a chat and the music comes on as she talks about how attracted she is to his maternal instincts.  Jesse suggests that they become friends and then they almost make out and then the credits come on.

The thing about this episode is it’s entirely centered around a new character that has no real context and that we’ll probably never see again.  I don’t know these early episodes well enough to say for sure if she ever shows up again, but even if she does make a return appearance or two I definitely know that she doesn’t stick around.  She’s sort of a proto-Rebecca Donaldson, who is basically the same character played by a different actress later on.  Maybe the producers liked the character but not the actress, which I couldn’t blame them for because she’s pretty darn bland.  One way or another, this episode is just yet another instance of the show bringing in some new material that will never be used again, like Stephanie’s acting career and Bubba the fucking turtle.

Firsts:  Robin Winslow