Season 1, Episode 20, “The Seven-Month Itch-Part 2”

My apologies to those of you who lost sleep this past week while waiting to find out whether or not Uncle Jesse has really left the full house for good.  As for the rest of you, who probably can’t be bothered to scroll down the screen to read the previous episodes review, here’s a brief synopsis of what you missed:

Uncle Jesse was supposed to get the full house to himself all weekend and he was gonna bang the headboard nonstop with his new woman but then the family cancelled their trip and made Jesse sing “If You’re Happy and You Know It” while he had blue balls and so he finally got fed up with everyone’s stupid bullshit and snuck off in the night, leaving only a note that said he wasn’t sure if he was ever coming back.

Man, I should summarize all the episodes that quickly.  I’d have a lot more time to read books.

So, anyway: now what’s gonna happen, you guys?  Is Uncle Jesse ever coming back or what???

Danny’s first reaction is to lie to his children by saying that Jesse just went on vacation.  The kids go for it and are temporarily at ease but Jesse’s absence is soon felt when Joey makes some shitty ass pancakes.  Jesse calls about a minute later, immediately killing any sense of suspense.  For those of you who were wondering where Uncle Jesse went, wait no longer!  He’s skiing in Tahoe and doesn’t know when he’ll be back, but he left his emergency contact info just in case.  How thoughtful!  And what does Uncle Jesse get in return for this act of consideration?  Stephanie asks if she can use his room while he’s gone.  Damn, it’s like she doesn’t care at all.

Uncle Jesse and his pals all gather together in a cabin and sing “Love Machine.”  This strikes me as odd because I thought that sitting around with a bunch of corny assholes and singing songs was exactly what made him run away from home.  I thought he’d be bangin’ his woman.

Anyway, after blowing the roof off that bitch they decide to go skiing and there’s a lengthy bit about Jesse putting his ski clothes on that really never goes anywhere.  It takes him a long time to put all his ski clothes on and then he gets tired.  What’s the joke?

Meanwhile, back at the full house, Danny does a really shitty job of trying to replace Jesse’s role as DJ’s guitar teacher.

DJ asks if Jesse has left for good and there is heartfelt emotion as Danny explains that Uncle Jesse’s going through some shit right now.  In the very next scene DJ recruits Stephanie to cook up a zany scheme to bring Uncle Jesse back.  They call the cabin in Tahoe and leave a message with one of Jesse’s homeys alleging that the baby is sick.

Jesse returns to his corny friends and is told about the sick baby message.  He tries not to spend too much time worrying and his friends urge him to perform, “The Boys Are Back In Town” with them to take his mind off of it.  But their shitty sing-a-long is overwhelmed in Jesse mind by a montage of moments between him and Michelle, set to, “Baby Love.”

Pretty much every shot of Jesse and Michelle from the previous 18 episodes is shown, and when they run out there are some new vignettes of them having quality time together, like by playing cards and eating ice cream and stuff like that.

Jesse is so moved by these heartwarming memories that he immediately says goodbye to his corny friends and heads back to the full house.

So Jesse comes back and then he finds out right away that Michelle’s not really sick.  He gets all mad and then he has a heartwarming talk with Danny and Joey.  Jesse realizes that living in the full house fills an empty space in his heart that he didn’t even know was there.  So you might think that it would wrap up there but then he has a heartwarming talk with Stephanie and DJ, too.

And as if all that’s not tedious enough, Jesse then goes and has a heartwarming talk with Michelle, which is when the music comes on.  And it’s a really long scene, too!  But at least it’s the last one.

Ok, so I think the problem here is pretty obvious.  The shows writers have a hard enough time writing a single episode, so when they had to write a two-parter they just wee-wee’d their way through the whole thing.  There’s so much awkward padding in both of these episodes, from the extended dream sequence in the previous episode to the clips montage in this one, followed by a series of drawn out heartwarming talks.  Full House usually fails at being funny, but this time it didn’t even try.  I know that it’s a given that every episode of this shows sucks and everything, but this one’s awful in the worst way.

Firsts:  Montage of old clips

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18 Responses to Season 1, Episode 20, “The Seven-Month Itch-Part 2”

  1. Ruby Lee says:

    The photo of Jesse’s face covered by a montage of memories is pretty awesome, but Michelle’s expression in the last picture is priceless. It’s like she’s staring into the soul of the audience, demanding to know why no one has requested social services intervene to get her the hell out of there.

    Your blog is so funny it literally makes up for the fact that Full House existed in the first place!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Leroy Cook says:

    speaking of reading books… amazon has an awesome collection of full house books. aparently all those freakin kids got books… highlighted by full house: michelle “how to be cool”. Dj didnt. probably because of her stupid moon face. ugly bitch.


  3. manos says:

    The olsen twins unite to make the ugliest tv baby in history. ever.


  4. Tayci says:

    Speak of the devil this episode is on right now. Too bad my kid is up or else I’d so be up in that.


  5. Kenny says:

    DJ asks if Jesse has left for good and there is heartfelt emotion as Danny explains that Uncle Jesse’s going through some shit right now.

    I truly wish the show would have been like this and you would have been Danny it would have been shitloads better and hilarious especially shocking the audience intentionally while the rest of us laughed our asses off lmao


  6. Melanie says:

    What a dumb reason to come back. Is that phone call the first time that it actually dawned on him that the toddler was going to get sick at some point? Toddlers get sick. Like, a lot.


    • beautifulsorta says:

      Or why didn’t he call and speak to Danny or Joey to verify that it was worth driving 4+ hours from Tahoe to San Francisco? It’s like these screenwriters forget that California is BIG. And you’re right–they get sick like every other week. Unless she’s in the hospital a little cough is nothing to get bent out of shape over.


      • Kimmy says:

        Am watching this episode right now as I read along with the blog & to address your question with why he didn’t call just to see if it was worth the drive, the phone was left off the hook & he couldn’t get through. Creative plot device😐


  7. Full House Recoveree says:

    Jesse always had the lamest friends, and in half the episodes they showed up in at least half of them were Jesse clones. That is, ambiguously brown with tight pants, dark hair in a mullet. And all those lame sweaters, they must have raided Cosby’s closet!


  8. JDA says:

    I am legit in tears. Staying up WAY past my bedtime to comb through your archives… clearly as the show got worse, you got better at harpooning it.

    I don’t know what Internet angel blessed me with the joy of stumbling across this site but man am I grateful.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Captain Rails says:

    they sure did a lot of “skiing” alright, if you know what i mean (heh heh heh)


  10. Charles says:

    So, the only way Jesse feels complete as a person is if he’s living in a house where he has no privacy and is surrounded by co-dependent sociopaths. Which I guess explains why the fucker never moved out, even after he got married and had kids of his own.


  11. Martin Tanner's Ghost says:

    That screen cap with the fade into Jesse’s memories is terrifying.


  12. Flora Fauna Maryweather says:

    That freaking screen grab of his face face full of past memories is absolutely killing me.


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