Season 3, Episode 6, “Star Search”

Pre-Credits Gag:  DJ and Stephanie gift Michelle with a tiara and tutu that once belonged to each of them.  They all begin to dance like ballerinas together and Kimmie Gibbler remarks that she’s glad that she took bowling lessons instead.  Reminder:  Kimmie Gibbler is rad and everyone else sucks.

Danny forces everyone to watch a tape of him interviewing Joey on his old college talk show, “Campus Rap”.  Before the interview, Danny spends his opening moments on the show praising disco and sharing his photo of a newborn DJ.  Not that anyone’s surprised by it, but there’s conclusive evidence that Danny has been a bumbling, self-indulgent talk show host since day one.

Joey appears on the show and does a bunch of lame ass impressions, so he’s pretty much exactly the same as we’ve always known him except he has bigger hair.  Danny praises Joey’s talents and Joey responds with a remarkably immodest proclamation about how he’s gonna get hella famous.  Back in the present, Joey realizes that he’s just 2 weeks short of the 10-year anniversary of those ambitious proclamations and he still hasn’t done shit.  Joey decides that it’s crucial that he make something of himself before that 2 weeks is up and the family all support him.

Stephanie and DJ try to get Michelle to take off her tutu before bed but she refuses and Danny decides that it’s ok for her to sleep with it on.  I’m not really sure what the lesson is there, but I did notice that this is one of those rare cases where the pre-credits gag ties into the episode.  Anyway, Joey rolls up on the scene and immediately goes into comedy overdrive.  He flies into this manic riff that’s a lot like an old Robin Williams routine except without the excuse of being really high on cocaine.  God damn, like it’s not bad enough that we have to deal with this annoying asshole and his shitty jokes all the fucking time, now we have to sit through several minutes of pure unbridled Joey comedy at a frantic pace.  The only consolation for this scene is that the family seems pretty freaked out by it and it ends with the baby running away in terror, so at least there’s some acknowledgement of how awful it is.

Danny secretly submits a tape of Joeys act to Star Search and a letter arrives on the anniversary of Joey’s 10-year proclamation (AKA the very next scene) that says that he’s been accepted.  It’s kind of interesting how Joey didn’t do anything to try to achieve his goals other than bug the shit out of his housemates and then he gets his big break because someone else did all the legwork for him.  I really hate Joey, you guys.  I really mean it.  I hate him.

Backstage before Joey’s appearance on Star Search, the girls all harass a production guy with the hope that they’ll get on the show themselves.  They actually walk out of the room after him one after another, shouting the lyrics for “Tomorrow” from “Annie”.  Assholes.

Joey appears on Star Search and it’s basically like watching Star Search instead of Full House for about 5 minutes.  I guess that this technically counts as a cross-over episode.  As for Joey’s act, I don’t really know   what to say about it.  This shit is getting exhausting.  I mean, we already saw several minutes of his excruciating comedic riffing and now we have to sit through his whole stand-up act.  Fuck that shit.

Five thousand years later, Joey’s act wraps up and then we get to the part where the judges vote for him or the other terrible comedian and, wouldn’t you know it, they have a tie.

Ed Mcmahon explains that ties result in an audience-based decision, not to mention that they raise tension and pad out the storyline for a few more minutes.  Once the decision comes in it’s finally announced in no uncertain terms to the whole world that Joey’s a fucking loser.

The family console Joey backstage and then Joey announces to the other dad’s that he’s gonna retire from comedy.  It’s a miracle!  Rather than allowing Joey to gift the world with the absence of his comedy, Jesse tries to inspire Joey to punish the world all over again by delivering a powerful motivational speech about the meaning of success and loving what you do.

Ok, so we’ve already sat through 2 lengthy sequences of Joey performing, but then we get one final, gigantic fuck you with a quiet, pensive Joey moment.  Joey walks onto the empty Star Search stage and contemplates his career.  He sentimentally tells a few terrible jokes to an empty crowd and then the baby enters the scene, presumably because the family just lets her wander around by herself all the time, and he opens up to her about his love of performing.  Joey ultimately decides that he hates humanity enough to continue performing and then the family comes out and sing his praises.

Fuck, that was bad, you guys.  I mean, I know that it’s always bad, but this was on a whole other level.  I know that I said before that Jesse’s inspiring Christmas speech was the worst scene ever on this show, but I think it’s fair to say that any one of the 3 Joey-centric scenes in this episode offers up some stiff competition.  Even the one terrible scene that I dread re-watching above all others that comes up later in the series might not even match up to the shitstorm of garbage that Joey delivered here.

As far as what this episode says about Joey, there’s not much I can write here that wouldn’t be repeating what I wrote in my review of Season 1, Episode 16, “But Seriously, Folks,”  in which Joey goes through pretty much the exact same personal journey.  Suffice it to say that Joey is the most annoying asshole who’s ever been on tv, and once again he delivers his ongoing lesson of, “don’t follow your dreams because what if you’re just like this guy?”

But despite my deep hatred of Joey that intensifies with each viewing of this show, there’s something else that happens this episode that makes it stand out among the worst of the worst.  Full House is brimming with terrible qualities from the very first episode but by the third season it seemed to really settle into itself and start to enjoy it’s inexplicable success.  By the time we get to this episode, several characters have established catch-phrases that are farted out regularly and this entire episode is basically just one big love letter to Joey’s comedy act.  Although the show’s been bad since the beginning, there seemed to be something missing from the earliest episode’s that made it so much more bearable than the later episode.  I was never able to figure out what that one distinguishing quality was before I saw this episode.  This is the episode where the show became smug.

Firsts:  Crossover with another show

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58 Responses to Season 3, Episode 6, “Star Search”

  1. Brandon says:

    This is the first post that acknowledges the unwarranted, bizarre smugness and sort of sock-sniffing self-love that was so boldly shown on Full House throughout the majority of its run.

    I think it was also around this time that the starts of the TGIF lineup began a series of promos centered around the timeless song “Whoomp There It Is”. I wish I could see one of those commericals again. I remember there was one that featured Joey and Stephanie that even made my 10 year old skin crawl.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Teebore says:

    I have vague recollections of this episode (the Star Search portion of it) but little else; apparently my mind quickly blocked out the copious amounts of Joey comedy to spare me from insanity.

    Even the one terrible scene that I dread re-watching above all others that comes up later in the series

    Which scene is that? Or will we just have to keep reading to find out?


    • billysuperstar says:

      hi, teebore! yeah, there’s one scene that’s a few seasons away that i recall as the absolute most grueling moment of the whole series. i’ll point it out when i get to it… that’s just me trying to give you guys something to look forward to…


      • psychic_hits says:

        i for one am expecting this most excruciating of scenes to be one that features the one-off character “Papouli” prominently… but i’m almost hoping i’m wrong, and that there’s something even worse that i’ve forgotten…..


      • billysuperstar says:

        yeah, thats not it. im actually not familiar with papouli… is that from when jesse’s greek family comes to visit? oh man, thats gonna be a rough one…


      • Lisa says:

        Is it the one when Joey performs in Las Vegas and reunites with his Nazi father?


      • Aynsley says:

        Papouli was in two episodes and the second episode in season 6 or 7 he dies while visiting the Tanners, the every next episode is one where Jesse brings his cousin, Stavros, back from Greece (he was attending papouli’s service)…Stavros is the idiot scammer.


      • Sid says:

        Jesus christ, Aynsley! No spoilers!


      • The Venerable Bede says:

        Oh oh oh, I bet I know what it is! I refuse to skip ahead, so it’s possible that you’ve already come to the scene you’re talking about, but my current guess is this one:


      • DJ Tanner's Diet says:

        I also refuse to skip ahead and here in the future (May 2014) that video you posted has been taken down. My guess is one of the scenes I almost can’t watch anymore: when Jesse and Becky bring home wedding cake samples and Michelle smashes all of them into her greedy little face. The whole asshole family stands around laughing and at the end, Jesse asks which cake she likes best, as if a toddler’s opinion were worthwhile on wedding decisions anyway.


      • John Q says:

        Wow, I also remember that disgusting display by Michelle with that wedding cake and all the adults just standing there clapping with approval.

        That was a bizarre scene as they let the 4 year just yell “cake” and then walk on the table and start smashing her hands and face into the cake like some kind of coke head. And her face and hands and clothes are covered in cake and everybody thought it was hilarious but I thought it was psychotic.


      • Bridget says:

        You’re right, John Q! It does border on psychosis when a 4 year old yells, “I can’t take it”!, after she sees cake and dives in. Jesse is at fault too! Before screaming, “Free cake”!, grab some plates, flatware, and napkins and call for everyone. When they come, explain what is going to happen with the cake samples. Maybe sedate Michelle first!


      • NotADragon says:

        I remember 4 year-old me being disgusted with Michelle in the cake scene. And that was when I loved Full House. I was seriously annoyed by how rude and inconsiderate she was being. Not to mention seeing a Troll-child with half-eaten cake all over their face is enough to make anyone scream.

        I actually yelled at her, “If you had a Mommy you would be in big trouble for doing that!”

        Definatley in the Top 5 Reasons I Hate Michelle Tanner, along with the whole Disney nightmare. *shudders*


    • Why oh why?! says:

      I know… I am faaaaar too late for the party. Just discovered this blog a few days ago and have been reading the archives in order since.

      Stravos is the absolutely WORST thing in ALL of the episodes of Full House. And he was not even played by Coulier!!! I cannot wait to get to that review.


  3. Snicklefritz says:

    “It’s kind of interesting how Joey didn’t do anything to try to achieve his goals other than bug the shit out of his housemates and then he gets his big break because someone else did all the legwork for him. I really hate Joey, you guys. I really mean it. I hate him.”

    WHO DOESN’T? seriously, when I hear that guy say “Cut.It.Out” with that hand motion it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
    What a lazy asshole. You aren’t gonna get “discovered” in your own kitchen, Gladstone! It’s like he forgot it was his “dream” until Danny showed up with the star search news and he was all “oh yeah, im super passionate! now I remember!”


  4. Joan Crawford says:

    Joey ultimately decides that he hates humanity enough to continue performing…


    I’m sure a liberal arts college out west could turn this blog into a course. And they should.


  5. I wish you would put quotes around “gag” in “Pre-Credits Gag.” It would be more accurate. Not doing so accords far too much respect.

    OMG Star Search!!! I LOVED that show when I was a kid. Ah, the American Idol of way back when. It was so inspiring, yet so heart-breakingly frustrating, as I couldn’t do any of those things.

    As for having to sit through all those Joey “joke” routines… better you than me. 😦


  6. DrBitz says:

    If I recall correctly, isn’t part of Joey’s routine (which the family then mimics at the end) pretending to sing and moving his pretend microphone away from his mouth and then bringing the “mic” in and warbling his voice? Hilarious.

    Actually, when I was kid I thought Joey was pretty funny. However, let it be known that, in no uncertain terms, I was a dumb kid.


    • billysuperstar says:

      yeah, there was all sort of offensively bad horseshit that came out of joey this episode but i had to kind of skim through it so i could get through this post. ive never had such a hard sitting through this show. it almost broke me.


    • Baron Aailey says:

      Really?! Even as a kid I loathed Joey. He is the erectile dysfunction of comedy.


    • Martin Tanner's Ghost says:

      Was that whole singing thing a reference to something? I feel like it was, but I have no idea what.


  7. Scott says:

    Are you sure their college show wasn’t called Campus Rape? C’mon, look at those two guys. All you need is a third grease ball sporting a mullet as their pivot man and you’ve got a rough night at the manhole.

    Also, Star Search? Jesus piss. Edgy crossover, Full House staff.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Woooooolhouse says:

    Hey, that “other comedian” is Steve Odenkirk, the guy who did “Kung Pow: Enter the Fist” and the annoying “Thumb-Movie Parodies.” I don’t think they could have picked a more annoying comedian to compete against Mr. Gladstone.


    • CerebralPaul says:

      You’re right, thanks for pointing that out. I thought Kung Pow had some pretty funny moments though.


    • Baron Aailey says:

      Fuck all I saw was that stupid fake hand dance and kept thinking, this is a talent? What is wrong with white comedians in the 90s? What the fuck?! Tell me!!!!!!


  9. Mario Speedwagon says:

    Hang on a second… so on the old videotape, DJ has just been born, and it was 10 years ago. Now pardon my Australian ignorance, but if DJ has just started Junior High, shouldn’t she be like 13? I present as further evidence of this, the ladybump juniors sprouting from her sweater.


    • Santanaonfire says:

      Brilliant observation(s)!


    • Missi says:

      Ladybump juniors? LMAO


    • Stacy says:

      That stood out to me too. DJ would be at least 12. The show has been on for just over 2 years/the Uncles have been in the full house for 2 years now and DJ was about 10 when the show started.

      So yeah – the writers are apparently shit at writing AND math.

      Though I do have to say, I was surprised that they remembered to call attention to the fact that Danny was really that young when he became a father. Yes, they got the math wrong but they were right in that Danny became a father while he was in college/college-aged.


      • Bridget says:

        Wait, all of you, that picture Danny showed of DJ was her at the ages of 12 months to maybe 36 months of age. She is far from a newborn!


  10. Leroy Cook says:

    bob saget. moustache. what more do we need?


  11. Mumu says:

    Joey went to college? I call bullshit.


    • PuppetDoctor says:

      Clown College


    • DJ Tanner's Diet says:

      I hate that I remember this but in one of the “Joey gives up on comedy” episodes, he says his degree is in something actually respectable and highly useful like finance or accounting and surprise! He also has his teaching credentials *eyeroll* Although the teaching credentials might not be shoehorned in until an episode of The Michelle Show, when Joey subs for her class


  12. Sully says:

    OMG! When I was about 10 I watched this episode at my cottage with my grandparents. Part way through they looked at me and my Grandfather asked, “Katie, if there wasn’t a laugh track, would you be laughing?”… ugh… Gramps…?


  13. Santanaonfire says:

    “This is the episode where the show became smug.”

    Best shitcom ever.


  14. kp199 says:

    I find it hilarious that Joey’s entire comedy routine is generally one or two completely unfunny remarks, mixed with terrible impersonations of scenes from movies that were acted 10x better than what he shits out. Ahh man.


  15. crea014 says:

    For some reason (mix of insomnia+misplaced feeling of childhood sentiment) I decided a few weeks ago to watch every Full House episode then read the corresponding blog on Full House reviewed. I literally laugh out loud at the observations in this blog. I never noticed for myself when Jesse ate fried chicken. Or how awkward it is all these men continually kissing a baby girl of no relation to them. Or how much “Kimmie Gibbler is rad and everyone else sucks”.
    What I have never laughed out loud at is Joey. This episode was tedious to the extreme – even I couldn’t watch it. Joey’s comedy routines were ten times worse than Jesse’s rousing Christmas spirit talk. Nay, one hundred times worse.
    The only good thing about having watched this episode is that now this kiwi girl knows who Ed McMahon is. American popular culture. Fascinating.
    Btw – is it common in the US for guys to say “i’m there for you babe” to their guy friends? Hey, I’m not judging.


  16. Brandi says:

    “He flies into this manic riff that’s a lot like an old Robin Williams routine except without the excuse of being really high on cocaine. ”

    IDK I think Joey being on coke would explain a shit ton of what goes on in this show.


    • Bridget says:

      Brandi, there is a big difference between Joey and the late Robin Williams: Robin Williams was actually funny, manic, and likable! Everyone misses Robin Williams and he was able to play dramatic roles to perfection! You can’t say that about Joey! As for Robin, depression is such a horrible disease! We are so concerned about our heart, limbs, lungs, and other organs and the care of those parts. We can’t neglect the health of our brain.


    • Lloyd Mongul says:

      Like why he doesn’t have a job and is a total mooch


  17. williec29 says:

    This is one of those episodes that go on my personal list of worst episodes. I have never found Joey Gladstone stand up funny… in fact I’m not sure I’ve ever even cracked a smile. Its pathetic to think that Joey thinks running around the house doing non stop lame comedy is going to furthur his career.


  18. Christina says:

    Can we just talk about the fact that Danny is in COLLEGE and has a new born daughter? Was there an episode on getting Pam knocked up that I missed?

    PS I know this is late, but I am reading these all from the beginning and they are AMAZING.


  19. Charles says:

    Yeah, this is the episode that establishes that Joey is ALWAYS an unfunny asshole. He doesn’t magically turn into Louis C.K. when he steps onstage or anything like that.


    • DJ Tanner's Diet says:

      lmao yeah in order to suspend disbelief I had to imagine that Joey has some sort of on-stage charisma or alternate persona that is SO FUNNY it uses up his entire humor quotient and that explains his terrible existence the rest of the time. This episode ruined that belief system for me


  20. Red says:

    “As for Joey’s act, I don’t really know what to say about it.  This shit is getting exhausting.”

    This blog post is an awesome write up of one of the worst episodes I’ve seen yet. The above couple of lines pretty much sum it up really. Great job!


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