Season 5, Episode 15, Play It Again, Jess”

After several weeks of being boring as hell at home with her stupid babies, Becky is going back to work.  Danny’s all upset because Becky’s return means that Vicky will be leaving and she hadn’t even developed a discernible personality yet.  Meanwhile, Joey has a stiff neck for some reason.  Finally, since every storyline has to commence in the kitchen in this first scene, Stephanie tries to get DJ to let her wear her clothes but DJ tells her fuck no.  After DJ leaves for school, Stephanie reveals that she’s actually been wearing DJ’s sweater under her coat the whole time.  Why’d she even ask then?

After the girls leave for school, Jesse gets a phone call from some record company who tell him that he sucks.  After being rejected yet again (still with no mention of the recording deal he got last Season), he talks it over with the twins because even though Becky’s gone back to work, he can still provide these incredibly boring baby-interaction scenes without her.  The scene ends with him asking the babies for “out-of-work high-fives” which I bet he used to do with Joey all the time, but even that fucker has a job now.

Vicky and Danny rub their boners all over each other right on the air during her last episode of Wake Up, San Francisco.  Danny then tells her that he’s found a position for her at the station doing the weather if she’ll stick around for some character development, but she tells him that she just got an offer for a job as a news anchor in Chicago that very morning.  What a lot of major life decisions to be made in such a short time, and all in front of a live audience that couldn’t possibly care.

After Danny whines like a punk bitch about Vicky moving to Chicago, Becky makes her triumphant return.  She makes Jesse carry the babies out for the viewers to admire and then talks about what a rad husband he is because he does all the cooking and cleaning and shit.

The next scene shows us what a good house-husband Jesse is with a rare, on-location segment of him and the girls at the grocery store.  While Jesse stocks up on Elvis peanut butter, another house-husband comes up to him and says that he saw him on the show earlier in the day and wants to commend him for speaking out for himself and all the other husbands out there who have no dick.  Jesse tries to salvage some pride by saying that he’s actually a musician but the other house-husband just smiles and says that he, too, has loser ambitions.

Meanwhile, in the most obvious set-up I’ve ever seen in my whole life, Stephanie positions herself to squirt some mustard over a free hot dog sample and, right before she can say, “I sure hope I don’t get this mustard all over DJ’s sweater, which I am borrowing without her consent” she gets mustard all over it.

Finally, the grocery store scene comes to a close with Jesse knocking over an entire display of paper towels, because I guess the family’s presence wasn’t quite obtrusive enough yet.

As Jesse finishes preparing a delightful meal back at the full house, each member of the family gives him some reason why they can’t sit down for dinner.  Jesse is eventually left alone with Michelle, who he laments to about the state of his life as a failed musician slash pussy ass stay at home dad.

Later, Jesse sits in the living room and talks shit to Joey’s Mr. Woodchuck puppet until Danny and Becky come home.  Without even saying hello, Danny immediately starts whining to Jesse about how fucked up he is over Vicky leaving.  After Danny wanders off, Jesse tells Becky that he’s got to go out because he got a gig performing with an oldies group at the airport lounge.  Becky manages to overcome her total astonishment at Jesse finding any kind of employment and instead points out that she wants to hang out with him after she gets home from work and also he doesn’t need a job because she makes hella money, plus they live in a shitty attic in his brother-in-laws house.  Jesse gets all irate and farts out a bunch of machismo before stomping off to his shitty gig at the airport.

Stephanie attempts to wash the mustard stain out of DJ’s sweater and shrinks it dramatically in the process.  DJ notices Michelle wearing it and Stephanie is forced to confess.  It turns out that the sweater was borrowed from Kimmie Gibbler, so DJ doesn’t even give a shit that it’s ruined, but Kimmie Gibbler demands that Stephanie give her a pedicure as reparations, at which point all the girls flee in terror.

Meanwhile, at the San Francisco airport, Jesse sings “Glow Worm” with a bunch of wheezing octogenarians in some shitty lounge.

The family all come to see him because they can’t don’t respect him enough to let him be a total loser in private, plus there are other plot threads to wrap up.  Vicky tells Danny that she wants to stay in San Francisco and do the weather, which leads to an extensive Casablanca homage in which Danny tells her to go to Chicago because it’s the best thing for her.  Personally, I don’t give a shit whether she stays or goes because she’s only been in like 4 episodes and doesn’t even have a single defining characteristic.  Couldn’t they even give her like a hat she always wears or something?  She’s literally got nothing.

Becky tells Jesse that his airport gig is fucking pathetic, even for an untalented musician with no real ambitions.  Jesse gets all pissy and says that he needs to provide financially for his family, even if it’s totally undignified and doesn’t bring in any real money and gets in the way of the hands-on support that his family actually really needs.  And do you now what Becky does?  She fucking apologizes to him!  I guess that’s the new modern woman.  She pays for everything, works full-time and takes care of the kids, all while her husband does nothing but accommodate his own selfish macho pride.  This show was supposed to promote wholesome mainstream family values, you guys.  I can’t believe how fucked this is.

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60 Responses to Season 5, Episode 15, Play It Again, Jess”

  1. Hebrewersfan says:

    “another house-husband comes up to him and says that he saw him on the show earlier in the day and wants to commend him for speaking out for himself and all the other husbands out there who have no dick”

    Wow! I have never seen this scene, they must have cut this out of the syndicated episodes – I think that guy was in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, I recognize that face.

    “Meanwhile, in the most obvious set-up I’ve ever seen in my whole life, Stephanie positions herself to squirt some mustard over a free hot dog sample”

    Whenever I put condiments on something, I also hold the food directly against myself and hold the bottle as crooked and far away as I possibly can.

    “Couldn’t they even give her like a hat she always wears or something? She’s literally got nothing.” – This made me laugh, she is terribly nondescript.

    Like

    • Katie says:

      That scene is definitely cut out of syndication. I’ve never seen it, cause I’d definitely remember that face. *shudders*

      Like

    • magellan333 says:

      The scene is indeed removed. I remember this ep from years ago and the science teacher looking guy asks Jesse if he is Jesse Donelson. When it aired recently on ABC Family it was missing. Note: I only watched the program to refresh my memory so that I might better appreciate this awesome blog.

      Like

    • Ben says:

      Danny Breen! He was also on Not Necessarily The News in the 80s.

      Like

  2. jonghyun says:

    Awww, you skipped the Joey-has-a-stiff-neck part of the story!! The whole dramatic;

    Stephanie: MICHELLE!
    Joey: WHAT…*turns head*…….OWWWWWWW

    That fake reaction should be right up there with the mustard scene.

    Like

  3. Jordan says:

    I just want to point out that this is the first time when the episode title really kind of… worked. The Casablanca throwback with Danny and Vicky, plus the fact that Jesse is, in fact, back to playing.

    Like

  4. “Out-of-work high-fives.” — Love that line.
    Also, where r the “firsts” ?

    Like

  5. Bridget Hainline says:

    I didn’t like how Michelle was eating from a box of cookies that Jesse didn’t pay for. Maybe they should have fed her before the shopping trip. As for Stephanie, she should have asked for a paper plate for her hot dog. I also like that tough character actor who always plays a badass in every role. I think his name is John Dennis something or other.

    Like

  6. SZA says:

    OK, the math equation for the security feature to post a comment actually tripped me up this time. WHAT minus two equals 3? Ummm … Hmm, counting off fingers …

    ANYWAY, I assume since Becky works a morning show, she must have to leave the house at the A$$CRACK of dawn. Because, you know, it’s not like you just walk in the door of the studio, hang up your coat and begin rolling tape. You have to do hair, make-up, plus go over your notes, etc. etc. So why is the sun blazing through the windows of the kitchen and she’s saying good-bye and WHY are the tater tots fully dressed right down to the NIKE sneakers???? They’re going to be home with Uncle Jesse oops I mean Daddy all day, what’s the point?

    I wish other people commenting on this blog would stop copying verbatim lines and full paragraphs from the original blog post before commenting themselves. Each blog post is relatively short, you can just make your comments and we are probably smart enough to remember what you’re referring to. A line which was hilarious when being read as it was written by the author becomes annoying when reading it a second time as written by a blog commentator.

    Just sayin.

    Oh, and of course Michelle is eating cookies freely out of a box at the supermarket. It wouldn’t make a difference whether they had fed her or not beforehand. She has 0 self-control, especially when it comes to cookies, cake, ice cream. Remember????

    :/

    Like

    • Sally says:

      It was the early 90s, everyone wore their Nikes everywhere…at any time of day….at any age. That’s the only explanation I can provide.

      Like

    • SpideyTerry says:

      Oddly, I thought she had more self-control here than in previous episodes. Yes, she was stealing food and yet I don’t recall her gorging herself as she has with cake. It’s odd. It’s like her twisted version of ethics. “This is my family’s food, so I’ll pig out. This is someone else’s food, so I’ll only eat a little of it and tell my uncle to buy the box.”

      Like

    • Bindc says:

      Omg yes. Please stop quoting the blog post. Blocks of quotes from what we just read and then the commenter’s special commentary? Almost as annoying as an Uncle Joey impression. Almost.

      Like

      • Teebore says:

        It’s a pretty standard method of commenting throughout the blog-o-sphere. Quote the specific idea to which you’re responding, followed by your comment.

        As a general rule, I try to pare it down to a sentence or two at most, but I find it to be an effective means to both organize my thoughts and make it clear to what I’m referring.

        Sorry it bugs you so much.

        Liked by 1 person

      • The Venerable Bede says:

        It’s definitely blog commenting etiquette, and I agree. How hard is it for other people to skim the quotes, recognize them without re-reading them, and then read the commentary on them? Seriously, comments would be so jumbled and confusing if people didn’t do that.

        Like

    • SZA said:

      “I wish other people commenting on this blog would stop copying verbatim lines and full paragraphs from the original blog post before commenting themselves. Each blog post is relatively short, you can just make your comments and we are probably smart enough to remember what you’re referring to. A line which was hilarious when being read as it was written by the author becomes annoying when reading it a second time as written by a blog commentator.

      Just sayin.”

      Hey, I know this is late, and you probably won’t be going back to read this reply, but I have to comment:

      Reading back quotes from the blog is far more entertaining than your inane, unfunny ramblings. Also, it provides a reference to which we can, strangely enough, refer back. It provides the proper context to the comment that is to follow. Please, in the future, never take it upon yourself to tell others how they should post, asshat.

      Like

  7. allison says:

    And the job he gets here is never referenced again, btw.

    Like

    • BlondieRock13 says:

      At what point does he not realize that he could easily go work in a Guitar Center or give music lessons out of the house? I’d literally explore and all options before resorting to playing in a fucking airport lounge. Hell, I’m surprised that Danny hasn’t cut him a big fucking check to go open his own music store.

      Like

  8. “Finally, the grocery store scene comes to a close with Jesse knocking over an entire display of paper towels, because I guess the family’s presence wasn’t quite obtrusive enough yet.”

    Good point!

    “This show was supposed to promote wholesome mainstream family values, you guys. I can’t believe how fucked this is.”

    Amen!

    Like

  9. Wilkins says:

    I distinctly remember the grocery store scene from this episode, in particular the Elvis peanut butter (which even at that young age stood out to me as patently ridiculous) and Jesse knocking over the paper towels, but nothing else.

    “What a lot of major life decisions to be made in such a short time, and all in front of a live audience that couldn’t possibly care.” What, you mean the Full House studio audience?

    “Jesse gets all irate and farts out a bunch of machismo before stomping off to his shitty gig at the airport.” God damn, that is a beautiful sentence.

    http://www.fullhousereviewed.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Screen-shot-2012-05-23-at-12.33.53-AM.png – And the winner of the Screencap of the Week award (but it had a lot of competition, to be sure).

    Liked by 1 person

  10. PuppetDoctor says:

    “Meanwhile, in the most obvious set-up I’ve ever seen in my whole life, Stephanie positions herself to squirt some mustard over a free hot dog sample and, right before she can say, “I sure hope I don’t get this mustard all over DJ’s sweater, which I am borrowing without her consent” she gets mustard all over it.”

    I love the way the caption shows that Stephanie is pointing the mustard right towards the freaking sweater, and also when do grocery stores ever give condiments with free samples?!

    Like

    • e_x_i_t says:

      Considering Michelle was eating cookies they never paid for, I wouldn’t be surprised if Stephanie just took the mustard right off the shelf as well, because just how the Tanner kids role.

      Like

      • Ollie Hondro says:

        I’ve seen grocery stores do it- and rather artfully, I might add. I once encountered a table sampling bits of hamburger which had two hollowed-out bell peppers, one filled with ketchup, the other with mustard.

        I always got a kick out of the brand name of the hotdogs in this episode: Funky Franks. I don’t know about you, but putting “funky” in the name of a food (especially a meat product- and one of such questionable origins as hotdogs) does not make sound it the slightest bit appetizing.

        Like

  11. Kristin says:

    The twins never bothered me until they introduced the all of the sudden 4 year old mop headed muppet dickbags in I believe the next season. Even as a child I had irrational hate towards Nicky and Alex.

    I just wanted to thank you for providing me with a ton of laughs in what was otherwise a shitty week. I found this amazing blog in coincidentally an “Ask Me Anything” with Dave Coulier on Reddit. I’m glad I waded through the hundreds of comments asking him if Alanis really did go down on him in a theater (he claims she didn’t) and his self promotion of his low budget bullshit he collaborated with Methanie Tanner on the web to find the link to this brilliant site. As an adult, I don’t think I’m capable of watching this fuckery, so you are doing God’s work, my friend.

    Just had to throw in a random observation I always wondered about the show. So the mom died in a fiery crash when all of them were fairly young and still pretty incapable of doing simple tasks, right? So how did these bitches always have their hair done, (talking right down to Michelle) in this house full of incompetent men? I understand that a dad can do his daughters hair fairly well, (although mine didn’t and I looked homeless) and even with Uncle Jesse’s hair obsession, I can’t see any of these fools being able to work a curling iron. I’m talking about the days prior to Aunt Becky and Joey and Jesses would diaper Michelle in newspaper and shit.

    Weird observation and while I know this show sucks at realism, it’s always been a peeve of mine while watching it. I need a resolution to this!

    Like

    • Kristin says:

      Well, if I recall correctly DJ was 10 when their mom died. She was supposed to be going into 5th grade. She could probably handle doing her hair on her own by that point. I did at that age, curling iron and all. Perhaps she fixed her own, and helped Danny with Steph and Michelle? Within a couple of years Stephanie could probably fix her own hair as well, and Michelle’s hair pretty much always looked like shit so maybe Danny did it.

      Like

  12. Teebore says:

    Another episode I half remember, as I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the end scene set at the airport several times thanks to syndication, yet the front half remains a faint image in my memory.

    Stephanie reveals that she’s actually been wearing DJ’s sweater under her coat the whole time. Why’d she even ask then?

    The better question is, why does she even want to? That sweater is pretty fugly.

    …because I guess the family’s presence wasn’t quite obtrusive enough yet.

    Seriously, this family can’t even go to the fucking grocery store without wreaking havoc in their wake…

    Stephanie attempts to wash the mustard stain out of DJ’s sweater and shrinks it dramatically in the process.

    Because in all sitcoms it is nearly impossible to do laundry without shrinking clothes or warping their colors.

    True story, thanks to TV I was pretty scared to do laundry (for fear of inadvertently wreaking my clothes) when I was a kid, until I did a couple loads and was like, “this isn’t hard at all; why do all those morons on TV have such problems with it?”

    Like

  13. Mrs. Peterson says:

    I kind of love Aunt Becky’s turquoise coat/dress. I wish I had one for myself. (I bet that’s the only outfit in the whole series I’d say that about!)

    Like

  14. kp199 says:

    What? I never remember seeing that guy in the grocery store. They must have cut him out of the syndicated version. No way in hell am I buying the DVD for this shit.

    Like

  15. e_x_i_t says:

    Oh God the “Stephanie gets mustard on her shirt” bit, at this point you can tell everyone just gave up on her. I also don’t know how she managed to shrink the shirt like 8 sizes, but trying to use logic with this show only causes pain. Also, leave it to Michelle to wear the shirt for no other purpose than to be a bitch.

    Like

  16. Betzy says:

    Ok, I realize this is the early 90s but that shirt that was supposed to be so damn hip has those buttons around the neckline like it was intended for Michelle. Wtf.

    Like

    • Blake says:

      This sweater must have been the inspiration for Stephanie to create that bedazzled piece of shit for Aunt Becky to wear at the celebrity basketball game a couple of seasons from now.

      Like

  17. cassparilla says:

    Seriously, WHY is Becky always apologizing to Jesse?! She really does hate herself.

    Like

  18. Jenny says:

    There’s a hilarious shot of Jessie making a ridiculous death glare/gesture to Kimmy in this episode. It’s around the time he’s complaining about no one showing up to dinner–can you screen cap it?

    Like

  19. Kenny says:

    While Jesse stocks up on Elvis peanut butter, another house-husband comes up to him and says that he saw him on the show earlier in the day and wants to commend him for speaking out for himself and all the other husbands out there who have no dick. Jesse tries to salvage some pride by saying that he’s actually a musician but the other house-husband just smiles and says that he, too, has loser ambitions.

    OMFG the most hilarious one yet ty for this dude!

    Like

  20. Megan says:

    Yeah i remember how Steph wears DJ’s sweater and she gets mustard on it. but it was really Kimmy’s sweater. this episode was on tv last night.

    Like

  21. williec29 says:

    The more I read about Jesse and his music career the more irriated I become. So he’s been with the Rippers for how long? What did happen to that record contract last year? Did they get new writers who didn’t bother to get familiar with the storylines… and there’s not that many to get updated on. Also, what are the Rippers doing when Jesse is farting around all day? Are they supposed to wait for him whenever he’s good and ready to talk about making music again? The whole music storyline is so inconsistent and it hurts to watch.

    Like

    • trlkly says:

      The only thing that makes sense to me is that they liked the band, but decided Jesse wasn’t good enough and so kicked him out. He, being so ashamed, never talks about it.

      Like

  22. beautifulsorta says:

    I thought Jesse and the geriatric quartet was the most fitting band for him. It was the least contrived, most honest, and honestly…the best music. The Rippers always bugged me because I guess they were supposed to be some sort of edgy rock but always performed elevator music. This band? Totally perfect for Jesse.

    Also, Vicky’s lack of personality was what I think almost made her perfect for Danny. Both are so lackluster and boring that perhaps the fact that they had no personality was what they shared. They could sit there staring off into space together.

    But I honestly despised her. Despite her good fit for Danny, I never felt she added a damn thing to the show.

    Like

  23. Bekah says:

    Huh. As a young, unknowing child, I thought Vicky was a much more important character than she really is.. Interesting.

    Like

  24. Allison says:

    I really don’t understand why Vicki was around in the first place, I remember seeing this episode a month or so ago and thought VIcki has been around for much longer. Danny just holds on to whatever he can get and won’t let go. Jersey is the worst character ever, I used to think he was awesome, maybe it’s just John Stamos in general. But the guy just wants to be a bum for the rest of his life, and Becky apologizes for everything, that’s all kinds of fucked up

    Like

  25. LindsayTurtle says:

    I popped out a kid 2 months ago and since I now spend half my day lying around while she sucks on my nipples, I am glad to have this blog to keep me company.

    Except for today when “couldn’t they at least give her a hat she always wears” made me laugh so hard that I woke up the kid that I’ve been trying to get to sleep for the last 7 hours.

    Thanks a lot.

    Like

  26. Odotry says:

    I’m surprised Danny allowed Vicky to go at all. Usually the Tanners get EVERYTHING they want.

    Like

  27. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    The one playing guitar looks like Matlock

    Like

  28. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    Oh, and by the way…that other husband…the one with the pedo stache…isn’t married…

    MIND FREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKK!!!

    Like

  29. tony giddens says:

    Who is the bartender/waitress in the airport lounge? Blonde with looooong legs?

    Like

  30. James says:

    When I watched this the first thing that came to my mind was the episode “The Perfect Couple” because it really contradicted everything that has happened during that “Casablanca” moment between Danny and Vicky. Here she gets her dream job of being a major anchor in Chicago (the other episode talks about NYC) but turns down the job to be with Danny. But in “Perfect Couple” she gets the offer but starts to bitch like the Erika Eleniak character from the Jesse’s High School reunion episode talking about how it’s the biggest opportunity for her. Bitch you already had your biggest opportunity and you quit to come back. She even goes on that the offer could’ve been in any other city, even listing Chicago like this episode never even happened. Of course in both episodes Danny tells her to follow her dreams so he doesn’t look and sound like a douche. But given that they were engaged it makes me wonder like why is Vicki not turning down the offer and offering herself to Danny like at the airport? It’s like dating = “Oh I’m staying”; engaged = “Fuck marriage, I’m leaving”

    Like

  31. Lisa says:

    I totally remember, even as a kid, being furious at Becky for apologizing in this ep. What the hell? The only admirable way to contribute to your family is financially? The man gets to decide unilaterally how and when he’ll contribute? Spending time together when you’re financially solvent is LESS important than propping up your macho ego? Argh. I was always a very public Uncle Jesse supporter, but this nonsense peeved me off.

    Like

    • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

      On principle, and in actuality, I would normally agree with you on Uncle Meanie/Tattletale and his ginzo qualities, but he’s not blaming his wife for bringing home the bread. He just want to feel as if he’s finally being heard as an artist. He just wants to feel that he’s finally contributing to something other staying at home, fixated on his hair. A far cry from what we’re used to him doing (or not doing).

      This episode was shot in 1991 (presumably). And it aired in early 1992. Since then, times have changed except for gender roles. Women still earn $0.77 less than a man, and the only change is that more women are going to get their Masters and travel the world. While the man stays home and drinks beer. A college degree is not good enough anymore. Don’t believe me? Go on OKCupid and try competing to win the love and attention of some of these hipsters (regardless of gender).

      As an actor, I’ve done extra work. I’ve worked as a horror theme park actor and emcee for the past two years. I just turned thirty. I’ve been doing the whole acting thing since I was twenty-one. I’m not George Clooney and shit I haven’t even finished my Master’s for several reasons (I hope to before I end up in the geriatric ward). But I take the jobs because they pay the bills and it’s acting. I’m not a horror film junkie like some of my co-workers, but I’m learning to be one.

      What would you rather be doing? Working a job in your field that sucks, but at least it’s in your field? Or would you rather be sweeping the floors at Demoulas Market Basket? I’m not putting down food shoppees either, but the point still sands. You have to keep your dream of putting out shitty early 90’s cover ballads alive somehow. No matter where the road takes you.

      Like

      • Kevin says:

        That’s a perfectly good explanation for why Jesse would want to do things like write music at home and try to get a recording contract. But there is no reason for him to be out doing humiliating gigs like this, that barely pay anything, when he could be spending time at home with his wife and kids. It would be one thing if he were really doing it to follow his dreams but the episode makes it look like nothing but macho pride that he has to be the breadwinner.

        Like

  32. CanOx says:

    That’s the guy that wanted to play golf with Larry but he said he doesn’t play anymore. He said it in front of Cliff Cobb who was in the wheel chair.

    Like

  33. Stacy Hirsh says:

    The Jesse sings “Glow Worm” with a bunch of wheezing octogenarians in some shitty lounge comment had me cracking up! 🙂

    Like

  34. Stacy Hirsh says:

    “Vicky and Danny rub their boners all over each other right on the air during her last episode of Wake Up, San Francisco, ” hahahahaha i am laughing so hard here! 😛

    Like

  35. Kimmy's Fashion Sense says:

    I watched this show religiously as a kid and always thought this episode was so fucking boring. These days, I have a box of wine in my lap and these recaps at the ready to accompany the episodes, and it has greatly enhanced my viewing experience.
    For example, I just noticed that Dave Coulier is playing Joey’s stiff neck by cramming his chin into his chest, which gets uncomfortable really fast. So imagining him doing that for all the takes of all the Joey scenes is cracking me up because it’s another example of what a life-ruiner Joey is! He’s a fictional character, causing a real person physical pain!

    Like

  36. Frank says:

    The guy that threatens Joey is the guy from the Subway on the way to Jesse’s graduation.

    Like

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