Season 7, Episode 18, “Kissing Cousins”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Becky finds the twins wearing cowboy outfits and building a fort out of cushions in the living room.  She tells them that they shouldn’t have used all of the cushions in the house and then it turns out that Joey did it.  How many of the pre-credits gags are about the kids seemingly doing something stupid and then it turning out to have been Joey?  How many of the jokes on the show in general are like that?  Also, Joey does an impression of John Wayne after emerging from the cushion fort that includes these really odd motions with his arm that seems offensive in a way that I have trouble defining.

Danny urges Joey to come at him with a banana so he can practice his self-defense training.  Joey makes a bunch of noises that are supposed to sound like an Asian person performing martial arts moves (I should really start keeping a tab on all of the moments on this show that are blatantly disrespectful towards Asian people) and then he squeezes the banana so it shoots all over Danny’s face.  Dang, Joey, Danny said to come at him with the banana, not on him. He even got it in his eye.

Danny routinely wipes his face with a cloth and then a knock on the door announces Jesse’s return from Papouli’s funeral in Greece.  The girls rush to greet Jesse and then they spend about 30 seconds discussing Papouli’s funeral and how it was a celebration of his life before collectively agreeing to never mention him ever again.  I was actually surprised that they had enough regard for continuity to mention him at all until Jesse introduces his cousin, Stavros, who’s come back with him from Greece.  Oh, so that’s why they mentioned Papouli again.  It was conveniently serving the plot.

Stavros is played by John Stamos with a prosthetic nose on.  The quality of the overlay effects when he and Jesse are in the same shot are of a surprisingly high quality for this show, which is not to say that they’re good.  Stavros is stereotypically Greek in a way that makes the earlier appearances by Jesse’s family members seem much less distasteful.  I wonder if Jesse didn’t bring him back to the full house to prove that there was actually a greasier man than himself somewhere on the planet (I don’t mean that to be a pun or a double entendre.  I am strictly refer to the amount of grease that resides on Jesse’s person).

This actually isn’t the first time they’ve ripped off the old Patty Duke identical Cousin routine on this show.  During the first episode that Papouli appeared in, when Jesse’s entire Greek family showed up at the full house (except for Stavros for some reason), one of the Olsen twins played Michelle’s identical cousin.  Although that’s not very interesting, I just thought I’d mention it because I’ve been watching this shit for over 3 years now so I’m cursed with such trivial knowledge and I literally have nowhere else to apply it.

Stavros manipulates the family into letting him stay at the full house.  The first thing he does is take the girls to the race track.  When he comes back, he leaves Danny’s car parked in front of a fire hydrant, which doesn’t make sense for a lot of reasons.  First of all, I’m pretty sure that being from rural Greece wouldn’t prevent him from knowing that he shouldn’t do that.  If he knows how to drive a car then he should know where not to park it.  If he didn’t know better then why would he bother to mention it to Danny at all?  And why would Danny let him borrow his car if he’s so unfamiliar with American driving customs?  Finally, why didn’t he just park in the driveway?  After Danny runs outside to move his car, Stavros hustles Joey at cards, scoring $20 and his watch.  He also orders a pizza that he coerces DJ into paying for, claiming that he doesn’t have any money.  He says that the pizza is for everyone but then no one wants it because it’s got lamb guts all over it.  Yeah, I always hate it when someone orders a lamb guts pizza.

Becky comes home from working out and Stavros is compelled by how hot her ass looks in that little unitard.  He starts rubbing his boner all over her in the kitchen and she tells him to back the fuck off because, even though she’s been systematically destroyed by her shitty husband, she’s still a strong enough woman to know that even though she looks super fine in her skin-tight gym clothes, that doesn’t give every oversexed ethnic stereotype the right to harass her.

The family all gather together in the living room and share their grievances about what a piece of shit Stavros is.  The worst part is that Becky feels so violated by his sexual advances that she puts on baggy sweat clothes.  Thanks a lot, asshole.  Way to ruin it for the rest of us.  Anyway, the whole family takes comfort in the fact that Stavros is leaving in a few days but then Jesse comes downstairs and tells them that Stavros is going to move to the U.S. and he’s invited him to stay at the full house until he finds his own place.

Everyone tells Jesse about what a rotten son of a bitch Stavros is, which I was actually sort of impressed by because direct communication is so rarely seen as a solution to a problem on this show.  Naturally, this approach completely fails, as Jesse is personally offended by factual accounts of his cousin being a shitty creep.  As Jesse completely disregards the legitimate concerns of all of the people he’s closest to in defense of some obscure relative of his, Stavros comes downstairs with a packed bag, reporting that he has to go home to Greece to help his village because it was destroyed by a natural disaster.  Everyone is immediately fooled by this obvious ruse and then they all set to work planning a fundraising dance-a-thon at the Smash Club to help out.

Wow, this plot sure took an abrupt left turn.  As predictable as this show usually is, I definitely didn’t see a fundraising dance marathon coming.  3 hours into the dance-a-thon, the participants start to feel pangs of exhaustion, and it’s kind of like that movie, “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?” except without any of the relevant social commentary or sympathetic characters.

Stavros calls an end to the dance-a-thon and accidentally drops a plane ticket as he heads into the crowd to collect money.  Becky and the girls find it and discover that Stavros is leaving for Florida later that evening, which leads them to conclude that the whole dance-a-thon is a scam.  Yeah, I don’t really know how they got from point A to point B that time, but whatever.  They decide that they’d better tell Jesse about it rather than just confront the situation themselves for some reason but then they conclude that Jesse still wont believe them so they’d better cook up a zany scheme to expose Stavros, then they do that fake huddle whispering that I hate so much while Becky explains the plan.

Becky hangs out in some Smash Club office where she stashes a microphone in a pot of flowers and then lures Stavros in and tells him that she’s down to fuck.  After about 2 seconds she gets him to admit that the dance-a-thon was a scam and that he’s using the money to run off to Florida but then Michelle comes to the door and tells Becky that the microphone isn’t on.  Michelle leaves and then Becky tells Stavros that it’d grease up her runway if he laid out his plan in great detail one more time and since he’s just an ignorant cultural stereotype he doesn’t even think twice about complying.  It seems odd to me that such a rapey guy would be so accommodating, but whatever.

Everyone in the club hears about Stavros’ diabolical scheme as it’s broadcast through the sound system.  Becky tells Stavros that he’s been exposed so he tries to make a b-line out of the club with all of the cash.  Danny tries to stop him with his self-defense class moves but he just sort of stands in front of him while doing a karate kid pose, which doesn’t really do anything.  Does Danny’s self-defense training count as a subplot?  It was mentioned briefly once before and then only came back for this one odd moment, where it had virtually no effect.  Why was it included at all?  I guess it wasn’t really that much more pointless than any of the other subplots on the show.

In a moment of technical wizardy, Jesse’s body double grabs Stavros, effectively stopping him from escaping with the money.

Jesse asks Stavros why he’s such a dickhole and Stavros tells him that he’s tired of hearing about how successful Jesse is back in his village.  Jesse tells him that even though he’s got an incredibly cushy and glamorous life, he worked hard to earn it, which is the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever heard in my life.  After hearing that crock of shit I’m kind of on Stavros’ side.  Maybe there should be some sort of program where people from poor countries are given opportunities to take advantage of the Tanner’s unearned privilege and wealth.  I think that it might make the world a better place.

After Jesse’s condescending, self-aggrandizing speech that’s tragically devoid of truth and self-awareness, Stavros is ushered away and then Jesse apologizes to the crowd and offers to return their money.  DJ suggests that they give the money to the children’s hospital instead and everyone applauds.  Um, ok.  I mean, of course it’s always a good idea to donate money to the children’s hospital, but that just kind of came out of nowhere.  Jesse apologizes to Becky for not listening to her and she’s like, whatever, it’s not like he ever listens to her about anything anyway.  Then she says, “when you care about someone, sometimes it’s hard to see the truth” but is lamentably unable to apply this knowledge to herself.  Poor, tragic Becky.  She would have been better off with Stavros.

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167 Responses to Season 7, Episode 18, “Kissing Cousins”

  1. Christian says:

    The evil twin trope. They really are scraping the bottom of the barrel at this point. This show is starting to become the later seasons of “Happy Days”…only crappier. Which is kind of a feat!

    Like

    • Richard says:

      Wouldn’t the evil twin trope require Stavros to impersonate or at least be confused for Jesse?

      Assuming Stavros is actually the evil one.

      There’s no reason for Stamos to play the character other than he wanted to show his versatility or the producers were too cheap to get another actor.

      Like

      • Richard says:

        Also Billy is now 3/4 of the way through season 7. Keep going dude, the finish line is within sight.

        Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      At the end of season 8, I think we should take a poll of which episode was the one that officially “jumped the shark”.

      Like

      • Anisky says:

        The pilot?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Corey says:

        I just tried to look at the episode list with an extremely open mind, allowing for normal unrealistic sitcom hijinks. And still, I couldn’t make it past season 2, episode 4. “DJ’s Very First Horse.” Come the fuck on, Full House.

        Like

      • JMo says:

        Wow, I need to watch that one again too! I can remember DJ riding that horse in slow motion, an old guy who wants to sell it, then the horse actually being inside of the full house and them trying to hide it from Danny. Then of course, the horse never being seen, or spoken of again.

        Like

  2. Angela says:

    He starts rubbing his boner all over her in the kitchen and she tells him to back the fuck off because, even though she’s been systematically destroyed by her shitty husband, she’s still a strong enough woman to know that even though she looks super fine in her skin-tight gym clothes, that doesn’t give every oversexed ethnic stereotype the right to harass her.

    I just want to say this entire sentence was awesome. Yes.

    Yeah, I get a real kick out of how Jesse’s willing to believe a relative he hasn’t seen in years over his own WIFE when Becky tells him that Stavros was hitting on her. I’m pretty sure most guys would not just let a major piece of information like that slide, first off, and second, Becky’s never given Jesse any reason to think she’d be lying or making up some story of that kind before (that I can recall). Plus, he has a history of being jealous of other men who hit on Becky, and has a short temper, so you’d think that’d be enough to make him confront Stavros right then and there. Sure, Stavros would likely still try and deny it, but even so…

    But I know, I know, applying logic and reason to what these people do is futile.

    Also…

    Although that’s not very interesting, I just thought I’d mention it because I’ve been watching this shit for over 3 years now so I’m cursed with such trivial knowledge and I literally have nowhere else to apply it.

    This made me feel very sorry for you. *Gives Billy a comforting pat on the back*

    Like

    • lovetolaugh says:

      I totally agree that any other husband would have been bothered enough by the prospect of another man hitting on his wife and making her uncomfortable to at least investigate the situation.

      Your point reminds me of an interesting change in the dynamic of Jesse and Becky’s relationship. Have you ever noticed that, in the early seasons, he really does seem to be crazy about her and truly wanting to be with her, caring enough to get irrationally jealous on many occasions? Fast-forward to the later years, and he basically ignores her every request and desire and treats her horribly.

      It’s almost like she was a conquest to him, and once he won her love, he became completely checked out of the relationship.

      Poor Becky!

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Lovetolaugh, Stavros told Jesse it was a misunderstanding in the kitchen and that Stavros is Greek and passionate! I don’t know. I think from the time a man is small he should learn to treat women! I think parents do a disservice to their sons if they don’t teach them this lesson!

        Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        Thanks Bridget, I didn’t remember that!

        I agree, in a perfect world men and women would all treat each other with mutual respect.

        Poor Becky, she shot down one disrespectful, misogynistic jerk for another! 😦

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Lovetolaugh, I hate to see how Nicky and Alex treat their girlfriends and potential wives! If a girl is smart and she sees how her father-in-law treats her mother-in-law after marrying either twin, she would leave the marriage! I do know that Charles Ingalls loved his four daughters, Mary, Laura, Carrie and Grace very much. I am sure he never let on to his daughters that he was disappointed in them being girls! They had a son, but baby Charles aka Freddie died as a baby. I would hate to see how Jesse would have treated Nicky and Alex if they were girls! As for Michelle, well her tantrum over twin girls would have made Caligula’s rage a small annoyance to him!

        Like

      • Angela says:

        Indeed, that does seem to be the case. Jesse’s always been the “love ’em and leave ’em” type-look at all the girls he ran through in the early seasons. The chase definitely excites him much more than the actual relationship seems to. I can see where the show thought having someone like him finally settle down would be appealing to viewers, because after a certain point the “skirt-chasing” routine gets old at best, creepy at worst. But still, yeah, there’s problems lurking in that relationship somewhere.

        Also, to Bridget’s comment about Stavros just being Greek and passionate-yeah, that’s a lame excuse. Indeed, there are some men who are particularly passionate, romantic types…but there is a vast difference between romantic passion and the creepy leering that Stavros was doing. Besides that, the kind of guy Stavros is should be considered irrelevant anyway, because ultimately, Becky told Stavros to back off and he didn’t-didn’t she have to smack him with a carrot or something to get him to stop? That’s something any guy should learn about girls: if they say, “Back off”, then the guy needs to back the fuck off.

        Like

      • Lisa says:

        I read somewhere (read: my genuine Full House Lovers trivia workbook, and unfortunately I’m not kidding) that it was actually John Stamos who wanted the Jesse character to settle down. The producers gave him the choice of having a new love interest every episode or getting married and having kids, and he chose the latter because it was what he wanted in real life. I read several interviews with John Stamos back in the ’90s where he frequently talked about wanting a wife and kids, and I honestly think his real-life love for children really came through in this series. As annoying as all the characters are, I really bought that Uncle Jesse loved all of the kids. Makes me sad for him in real life that the family thing hasn’t panned out.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Lisa, John Stamos shouldn’t give up his dream of a wife & kids. Men in their 60s and 70s do father children with younger women (Tony Randall). Well, I think Tony was in his 80s. Human biology is weird! A man in his 70s to 80s is still fertile, while a woman in that age range loses her ability to conceive in her 50s! John could go at parenthood alone and adopt like a lot of famous people do. Sandra Bullock did. I do think he loved his young co-stars genuinely and I thought it was sad his marriage broke up! I saw Candace Cameron Bure and Andrea Barber in a magazine with their children. Candace’s son was wearing a shirt with his mother as DJ Tanner and it said, “My favorite DJ is DJ Tanner.”. Her sons are good-looking and blond. Her daughter wasn’t in the picture. Andrea’s kids are kind of stocky like DJ was and I thought they would be thin like Kimmy. It could be from their father’s side. My older brother looks like my mom while my younger brother is my dad’s double.

        Like

      • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

        It’s almost as if this was a perfectly plotted plan for a long term marriage. Get someone out of his league, marry her, stuff her in the attic (like you would stuff a midget in a freezer), go down to Alejandro’s for a “hair appointment” (which is probably code for a secret gay sex lifestyle), and leave her with the kids. Nice fucking husband.

        What’s so sad about what their marriage is in “Season 7, Episode 10, ‘The Prying Game,'” when the morons are schilling their “Sprayguard two thousand…AND ONE,” Joseph who looks like a 1964 NASA Consultant, has the mishap with the visor, and poor Rebecca comes out and in the midst of that chaos, grabs Joseph and in the style of June Foray yells “You’re needed in the Laboratory, Doctor.” How sad. A young woman who once carried Doyce Plunk’s child back in Nebraska before the trip to the back alley, is now married to Hermes Jermsey Jesse Cochran Katsopolis.

        You get what you deserve in life though. I know that I would never be that shitty to my future wife.

        Like

  3. lovetolaugh says:

    Fantastic review! In general, I am not quite as familiar with the later episodes of this show (I was born in 1989 so basically just watched reruns of this show, and I guess I happened to catch the earlier, better seasons more often), but this is one that I remember vividly.

    I actually think it’s kind of funny when Stavros sees Becky looking sexy in her leotard and mutters to himself, “That is hot.” When Becky looks kind of offended, he clarifies, “The cheese is hot” (referring to the gross pizza he is eating). Ha!

    Becky really is pretty hot, isn’t she? Lori Loughlin and Jennifer Love Hewitt were my huge girl crushes of the 90s.

    Words cannot sufficiently convey how much I HATE the sitcom cliche where a character immediately gets inexplicably offended by some tactful confrontation by his/her loved ones. Seriously, it would be one thing if, like Kimmy Gibler tried to tell Jesse what a jerk Stavros is, but it was his beloved family trying to clue him in. He barely knows Stavros and presumably hadn’t seen him in years — wouldn’t you think he would at least give two shits about the discomfort of people he sees every single day?

    Scamming people out of their money and hitting on a cousin’s wife are obviously horrific, creepy things to do….but, you know what else is pretty unsettling? Kissing your 8-year-old niece on the mouth 20 times day. Hmm, maybe Jesse is the next problem the full house needs to solve.

    Side note: So I dance and have a big dance recital tonight….I really hope I don’t pull a Stephanie Judith and crack under the pressure, start screwing up the routine, and ruin it for my fellow dancers.

    Like

  4. kefkaownsall says:

    Greece up unitl recently wasnt even that poor.

    Like

    • Angela says:

      This is another excellent point. But hey, who needs to brush up on their history/knowledge of other countries, right?

      Like

  5. hebrewersfan says:

    I too echo the same confusion about how Jesse immediately takes offense to the family telling him about Stavros. Clearly he has lived in the full house long enough to know the Tanners are the biggest tattle-talers of all time. I would have liked to see Jesse react this kind of way in previous episodes though:

    Imagine when Stephanie tells him that Charles is getting beat by his dad, Jesse gets mad at Stephanie and doesn’t believe her, or when Michelle was getting pinched at school by Aaron Bailey, and Jesse would take Aaron’s side, that would at least have provided some continuity, and hilarity.

    Like

    • JMo says:

      Don’t forget Jesse not believing DJ when she said she wasn’t drinking the beer at the dance, when it was actually those 2 loser looking 7th graders who brought the beer. Jesse was a dick then also.

      Like

  6. Michelle's acting coach says:

    This is the episode where Danny should have had an epiphany. He should have realized that the better Katsopolis is Stavros. So far all Stavros has cost Danny is one bad pizza, a tow bill, Joey’s watch and $20. Jesse, on the other hand, owes him 7 years of rent and at least two jobs. Not to mention, counting Becky and the kids, Stavros marks the fourth person Jesse has invited to live in the full house without Danny’s consent.

    Stavros is less creepy than Joey and Danny’s children are also entitled pieces of shit, so Stavros will have a lot in common with them. Danny could essentially trade one person for three. But no, much like a couple weeks ago when he could have gotten rid of Joey, Danny seems content to let the parasites continue sucking away.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Michelle’s Acting Coach, you are so right! All Danny has done was let 2 parasitic jerks take advantage of him by giving them money for their pipe dreams! He could have hired a nanny and while they are expensive, yes, he could have shelled some money away to fix Stephanie’s crooked teeth or something! Oh, Mylanta, where are you? You’ve been waiting on this episode for months now and you haven’t presented yourself!

      Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Yes, I noticed that, too. He just INVITED some guy to live in a house he doesn’t own, without consulting the actual owner. Where was Stavros supposed to live? In the music studio in the basement? In the attic apartment with the Cochran-Katsopolises? I know! In the gay sex-boat named Papouli!

      Like

  7. lovetolaugh says:

    Also, am I the only one who thinks that Stavros is the least inconspicuous con artist EVER?

    Seriously, he presumably scams people like it’s his job — why on earth would he be carrying his plane ticket in a place where it could even potentially fall out or be seen by others?

    And, for someone who is supposed to be 10 steps ahead of everyone else at any given moment, he sure falls for Becky’s seduction ruse pretty quickly.

    I’m calling bullshit.

    Like

    • Colleen says:

      Well, we’ve already seen that staying in the Full House messes with your head. He was probably much better, but just stepping foot in there turned him into an incompetent idiot. Plus, he’s Jesse’s cousin, and he’s certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed.

      Like

  8. Stevarino says:

    Lol, the “Danny squeezing Joey’s banana and shooting it all over his face” sounds SO wrong. Ha. As does “Danny urges Joey to come at him with a banana.” why a banana?

    Like

  9. Melanie says:

    In Greece, success is marked by living in someone else’s attic and never paying rent.

    It’s true, I learned it on Full House.

    Like

  10. Melanie says:

    Also, I remember being distinctly uncomfortable with the sexual undertones of this plot, as a ten-year-old who had yet to sneak a peek at her mom’s stack of Cosmos.

    Like

  11. Oh Mylanta says:

    But, you see, John Stamos is Greek himself, so he can get away with such blatant Greek stereotyping, of course. After all, he specifically requested after the first season to abruptly change his character’s last name from Cochran to Katsopolis to allow him to introduce Greek stereotypes to the denizens of the full house.

    One thing I don’t understand is how whenever extended family comes to visit, they’re forced to wait outside until whoever comes in first/brings them home introduces them. Papouli and his wife did that with the gaggle of Greek stereotypes they brought the first time they visited the full house. What do they say to them at the door? “Wait here for your cue. I want you to make a grand entrance into my corny household.”

    “Jesse asks Stavros why he’s such a dickhole and Stavros tells him that he’s tired of hearing about how successful Jesse is back in his village. Jesse tells him that even though he’s got an incredibly cushy and glamorous life, he worked hard to earn it, which is the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever heard in my life. After hearing that crock of shit I’m kind of on Stavros’ side.”

    I dunno, man. Jesse may be a lazy shitty musician whose success was handed to him, but at least he made it this far without deliberately scamming people. He’s still a slimeball, but less slimy than his extended family.

    Also, was that whole “come at me with the banana” thing at the beginning an intentional Monty Python reference?

    Like

  12. Alicia says:

    For whatever reason I had this episode combined with the last one in my mind. Kinda funny that “Stavros” is so close to “Stamos”…is that what he’s like in real life?

    And…just because I’m full of useless facts, yesterday the Olsen twins turned 27! (trust me, I know how sad it is that I know this)

    Like

    • lovetolaugh says:

      Please don’t worry Alicia, you’re not alone! I knew that, too 🙂

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Alicia and Lovetolaugh, Tim Allen turned 60 yesterday, Malcolm McDowell is 70, and Richard Thomas is 62. All of them are way more talented than the Olsen twins!

        Like

  13. Colleen says:

    “Joey, Danny said to come at him with the banana, not on him. He even got it in his eye.”

    I don’t think anything will ever be able to top this. It…it was like a gift from the gods, gods who knew that one day, 25 years in the future, this show would be fodder for this blog and that this would be a crowning moment. Seriously, the writers were fucking with us when they wrote this, right? I refuse to believe that they did not intend for this to be some sort of soft porn moment.

    Great recap as always. Definitely lol’d when Jesse goes into how hard he worked to have what he has now.

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      I’m not sure I could ship Danny/Joey seriously. Crack ship, maybe 😛

      Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        Danny/Joey/Jesse OT3!

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        I just snort-choked. On nothing. Your OT3 comment made me choke on air.
        Okay now, to the tune of The Love Boat theme song:
        “Gay SEXXXX Boat,
        That’s where we’re hosting our OT3.
        Gay SEXXXX Boat,
        Named after Jesse’s dead Pap-oooouli.
        It’s got fun and adventure
        Bananas and awful puns…
        Welcome aboard, it’s loooooovvvve!”

        Like

  14. Smash says:

    Omg that stuff with Danny and Joey and the banana was AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS!!! Danny is the kind of turd that deserves to get it in the eye though.

    Like

  15. Lauren says:

    You’d think that if a natural disaster destroyed an entire village, it would be on the news.

    And a family that has two talk/news show hosts in it would have heard about that.

    And that people wouldn’t really be turning out to a huge fundraiser for something they’ve never heard of.

    You’d also think that I would quit trying to force real world logic into Full House…

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      That’s okay. We all do it sooner or later.

      Like

      • Geonn says:

        It’s human nature. It’s like seeing the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich. We want to believe it’s there so we project our own expectations onto it. We EXPECT shows to have some connection to our logical real-life world, and when they don’t, we’re set adrift.

        Full House is an existential nightmare. It would be odd if you didn’t try to apply logic!

        Like

      • Smash says:

        “Full House is an existential nightmare”. Truer words have never been spoken, Geonn.

        Like

      • Angela says:

        The “Virgin Mary” line made me laugh. Excellent comparison.

        Like

  16. Geonn says:

    That skintight workout leotard Aunt Becky wore was permanently etched in my mind. I have no idea how old I was when this episode first aired, but I know I probably saw it and knew right then and there I would grow up to be the pervert I am today. Thanks, Aunt Becky’s ass!

    And possibly a covert “getting crap past the censors”… Becky saying she “rubbed on some Ben-Gay at the gym,” and Stavros says “This Ben is a lucky guy.”

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      I read about TV idioms and the title of “Getting Crap Past the Radar” is a popular one! On the Monkees they did that a few times. When Davy wanted his grandfather to think he was a rich success, he had Mike as his chef, Peter as his houseboy, and Micky as his chauffeur. He asked Micky, “Micky, as my personal chauffeur, how would you get a lady in the backseat?”. Micky got a wicked gleam in his eyes, rubbed both hands together and said, “As quick as I can!”.

      Like

      • Angela says:

        Ohhhh, yeah, they had a few moments like that on the show.

        God, I remember seeing that episode all the time as a kid-my mom had tapes of Monkees episodes and they used to show the reruns on TV and that one seemed to show up constantly.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I love the scene in Monkees success story when Peter tells Davy he is his devoted houseboy and lives to serve him. Davy tells Peter to get his comb and Peter tells him to get it himself. Davy comes very close to clocking Peter! I also love the scene in Monkees mayor when Peter thinks launching Mike’s mayoral career is like launching a ship and he tries to christen Mike with a bottle of champagne twice before Micky stops him! The Monkees were way more talented than Hot Daddy and the Stupid Monkey Puppets!

        Like

      • Angela says:

        LOL, yeah, those are great scenes, too :D. That show was pretty funny. And very weird. But in a good way.

        The Monkees were way more talented than Hot Daddy and the Stupid Monkey Puppets!

        No argument here.

        Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        As terrible as Full House is, some of their “Getting Crap Past the Radar” bits are actually legitimately funny. “They’re, uh… doing their taxes,” is my personal favorite.

        Like

      • Lisa says:

        Me too! To this day I still use that idiom.

        Like

  17. Comet says:

    Jesse got Myrtle Urkel’d.

    Like

  18. Ashley says:

    “Jesse asks Stavros why he’s such a dickhole and Stavros tells him that he’s tired of hearing about how successful Jesse is back in his village.”

    … Really?

    …. REALLY?!

    Like

    • Billy Superstar says:

      i know, right? its almost like the narcissistic vision that the characters have for the world is being externalized. i bet the people in stavros’ village are always talking about how great michelle is, too. i wonder if maybe stavros isn’t just a projection from all of their minds to further aggrandize them. it’s another piece of evidence for how the full house is just like the hotel in the shining.

      Like

    • Colleen says:

      I know, right? I almost think Jesse hired some poor schmuck who looks like him to show up and pretend to be jealous of him just so his family would be fooled into thinking he’s somehow successful (and the simple-minded fools apparently fall for it).

      Like

      • Christian says:

        My theory is that Jesse outright lies to his Greek relatives about his “importance” and “success” and since they’re way the hell in another country they have no way of knowing that he’s full of shit. So they have no choice but to believe him. Stavros was probably a decent guy before Jesse’s lies corrupted his mind and turned him into a jealous asshole. The Full House is evil, I tell you! They ruin the lives everyone they come in contact with!

        I also firmly believe that the writers (famous for their ignorance about other cultures) probably view all Greeks as backwards old timey villagers like Cousin Balki from “Perfect Strangers”. The kind of people who would see a bum like Jesse as a God just because he lives in America and whose stinky attic is like a mansion to them.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Christian, I agree with you! I think that Becky’s cousin Dick was able to hit the nail on the head in regards to Jesse being a major loser living with Becky and the twins in the attic. I think Jesse is telling a whole group of people whose first language isn’t English and whose traditions are very different from American traditions that he is a winner! He should be ashamed! I think Dick had a lot of knowledge when it comes to picking out losers and he saw more in life than a group of people who might not have had the advantages Dick had. I think Jesse took advantage of the simple, naive people he came from!

        Like

    • SavaFiend says:

      Yeah, what are the people in the Greek village REALLY bragging about Jesse though? What has he really done? Maybe it’s like the fact that some of the has-been bands of the 80’s are still super huge and popular in Japan. Maybe in the Greek village, Jesse’s band is insanely popular. I mean, remember, Japan wanted Jesse’s band to stay and tour there… But really, in recent episodes – hell this whole season – Jesse has done NOTHING noteworthy, so WTF?!?

      Like

  19. Stephanie Judith says:

    I love how much time you spent explaining why it’s implausible for Stavros to have parked the car in front of the hydrant and then tell Danny.

    Like

    • KristenK says:

      Better yet, why would you let a foreigner you hardly even know take your children in YOUR car WITHOUT you? Obviously he doesn’t have a driver’s liscense! Or know anything about san Francisco! Remember what an asshole Danny was to DJ when she was trying to get her learners permit?

      Like

    • Angela says:

      Hahaha, agreed. I really like it when the reviews pick up on random details like that.

      KristenK makes a good point, too. Consistency? What consistency?

      Like

  20. Stacy says:

    Holy crap, that picture of Danny doing his Karate Kid move is the epitome of his dorkiness. Perfect screencap.

    I about howled with laughter regarding the banana in Danny’s face. (In Chandler Bing voice:) Could there BE more of a reference to a homoerotic “money shot” in the history of “family” television?

    The only way that part could have been better is if it happened on the Gay Sex Boat.

    Like

  21. Sarah Portland says:

    No one has said it, so I’m just gonna put it out there: Stavros is an Asshole Parthenon.

    Like

  22. Barbie Dollandbear says:

    I just love this episode. I’m sorry. I do. (Have mercy?)

    Like

  23. Melanie says:

    IDEA: Ala “Ferris Bueller is a figment of Cameron’s imagination” — what if Stavros is actually just Jesse externalizing all the things he wishes he wasn’t? What if this is some kind of Tyler Durden schtick? What if STAVROS IS JUST JESSE ALL ALONG.

    Whoa.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Melanie, I used the “Ferris Bueller” idea for “Titanic.”. Jack Dawson came along when Rose was going to drown herself and since she was with human beings who felt sorry for her, they could see him as well! I think even Cal, Rose’s mean fiancé and her harridan mom, Ruth felt bad for Rose because the marriage was a giant mistake! When Rose stood up to Cal and Ruth, she didn’t need Jack’s support anymore and it was okay if he left her. I am not saying Rose made the ship sink. A weird thing about the real Titanic was that a woman named Violet Jessop was on the ship and another White Star Line ship that also sank. There is a theory of the sea that if a woman strips naked it is a protection against a sinking.

      Like

      • Grant Spatchcock says:

        Is that why some ships have a carved figure of a naked woman at the front? I don’t know much about boats or sailing, so I could be entirely wrong.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        That could be, but I don’t have a lot of nautical knowledge! I wonder if Violet Jessop’s relatives are told they can’t sail on any ship because their ancestor was bad luck on a ship? I read about Violet Jessop on Cracked and Wikipedia.

        Like

      • SavaFiend says:

        Yep, she was a nurse on the other ship (a military ship, I think). Wasn’t the other ship she was on that sank the one where one of the lifeboats was released prematurely and got sucked into the sinking boat’s propellers? I know so much useless trivia, sorry!

        Like

    • Angela says:

      O.O…

      *Makes “mind blown” motion with hands*

      Like

  24. teebore says:

    Dang, Joey, Danny said to come at him with the banana, not on him. He even got it in his eye.

    Wow, that’s like their whole secret relationship in a nutshell.

    This actually isn’t the first time they’ve ripped off the old Patty Duke identical Cousin routine on this show.

    Thanks to TV, I’ve always been disappointed that I don’t have an identical cousin…

    Yeah, I always hate it when someone orders a lamb guts pizza.

    After all, it’s a little known fact that “lamb guts” are the third most popular pizza topping, after pepperoni and extra cheese…

    he’s invited him to stay at the full house until he finds his own place.

    Sure why not? What’s one more, right?

    he worked hard to earn it, which is the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever heard in my life.

    That is indeed the biggest fiction this show has ever tried to sell, which is saying something.

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Yeah, I wonder that, too: where does one order “lamb guts” pizza? or even a pizza with just lamb on it?

      Like

  25. SaCha1689 says:

    Allow me to hop on my soapbox for a moment here.

    I seem to remember when Becky told Jesse that Stavros was hitting on her, Jesse said dismissively, “Oh, you know how Greeks are, they’re passionate, they’re physical. He didn’t mean anything by it.” To that I’d like to say, ex-fucking-cuse me? I grew up in a family of loud, passionate, stereotypical Arab men (who I’m told are very similar to Greeks), and even they wouldn’t hit on another man’s wife! Cultural differences are no excuse for sexual harassment.

    In my experience, there’s two kinds of Arab men: those who are misogynists (in other words, the ones you hear about in the news who abuse their women and carry out “honor killings”) and those who are chivalrous – as in, holding doors open for women, that kind of thing. My dad is among the latter. When one of my teenage brother’s friends talked dirty to me once, you can bet both boys got yelled at, with my dad loudly proclaiming that if anyone spoke that way to his wife, his daughter, or any other woman he cared about, he was not going to stand for it. If a sleaze like Stavros tried anything with my mom, he’d get some limbs broken.

    I won’t deny that certain cultural stereotypes have some basis in truth. But the use of this sleazy, oversexed Mediterranean caricature is just insulting and harmful. It’s no secret that this show is shit, but if there was any doubt of it before, well, there’s none now. It does good men of that region (and there are some out there) a disservice.

    [/rant]

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      SaCha1689, I do remember Jesse and Pam’s father Nick saying with some regret that he was the only one at the family reunion with granddaughters and no grandsons. Some grandparents would be thrilled with grandchildren of either sex as long as they’re healthy and happy! I know the fashions of the 1960s were kind of skimpy for women, but I do think that on “The Monkees” the women who portrayed the girlfriends of the band were treated well, with the bikini episodes as the exception! They were all gentlemen to the ladies on the show. As for your father, his father and mother taught him well. I went to school with mean boys whose fathers probably didn’t care how they treated women! Some stereotypes are correct with Mexicans being small and Native Americans being tall, but you enter racism when you assume all the members of a culture are a certain way.

      Like

      • Lisa says:

        I don’t think “some stereotypes are correct” is ever a true statement. Stereotypes ARE generalizations. Some Mexicans are small, some Native Americans are tall. By the same token, some Mexicans are tall, some Native Americans are small. (Am I really explaining this in the year 2014?) SaCha’s statement that “certain cultural stereotypes have some basis in truth” is much more accurate and much less offensive.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I’m sorry, Lisa, my theory wasn’t well thought out! I should have said it was certain racial appearances like dark skin that make African Americans black and the more active melanocytes in their skin. It also helps that many dark-skinned people are that way because they live in countries that are closer to the sun. People who live in Norway and Sweden have lighter skin color because they are farther away from the sun. I don’t think one race is smarter than another or more superior. There are good people and bad people in different races.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Lisa, I am learning to be a medical coder and when I took Basic Anatomy my textbook mentioned the contributions of Dr. Charles Richard Drew and Dr. Percy Lavon Julian. Dr. Drew started up the blood banks we have during the 1940s and Dr. Julian discovered cortisone and that is used in arthritis treatment. It pleased me to read about the contributions these 2 African American doctors made in the saving of lives. Dr. Daniel H. Williams was also a great African American surgeon who performed the 1st heart surgery in the 1890s and he didn’t have any of the tools modern day doctors used.

        Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      I totally agree with you, SaCha. To say that one person is like that is one thing: maybe he was raised that way, or he developed those characteristics through some experiences or personality. But to say that all people of the same ethnicity/gender/orientation/ect is incorrect, and paints all of those people the same way. Telling your wife “it’s okay that he sexually harassed you because he’s Greek” is BS. Run, Becky. Fucking run.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Sarah, I agree with you 100%! No one hears in court that the reason a man is sexually violent is because of his nationality! It’s the lamest argument ever!

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Sarah and SaCha 1689, I remember my family and I were going to a casino or something during Asian Fest and my father almost got on the elevator with a bunch of Asians who outnumber Anglos considerably. My father is tall and has wavy brownish-blond hair and blue eyes. He also looks like Clint Eastwood. I am sure those small people with black hair and the same facial features would have thought he was Clint Eastwood! I think if there was a camera in the elevator the operators would have had a good laugh when they saw the tall white guy with non-white people!

        Like

      • Lisa says:

        Again, why is this funny? Why would the “small people” have thought a tall white man was Clint Eastwood? Are they not capable of telling white people apart because they’re Asian? And why would it be noteworthy to see a tall white man among non-white people? You can see that in any number of reasonably diverse cities on the planet. This comment is just rubbing me the wrong way. I have been following this blog for awhile now and am familiar with Bridget’s train-of-thought comments, and I recognize that they most likely don’t come from a place of malevolence, but I think we still have a responsibility to speak appropriately, no matter what how good our intentions are.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        It’s just that my dad stuck out from these people and I don’t mean any malice in what I am saying. I come into contact with different races, creeds, and all as a cashier and I try to make everyone I serve feel important and respected. My mom’s ex-friend’s husband is a giant racist and I am uncomfortable hearing him say derogatory things about people. I think he saw Archie Bunker as a hero of sorts when Carroll O’Connor was pointing out how stupid Archie’s comments really were and he was making fun of bigots.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Sarah and SaCha 1689, have either of you seen “Siege at Ruby Ridge” with Randy Quaid and Laura Dern as Randy and Vicky Weaver? I thought it was a good thing Danny’s last name is Tanner in case he married Vicky! Anyway, in 1992, Randy, Vicky, teenage son Samuel, teen daughter Sara, preteen Rachel, and soon to be born Elisheba holed themselves up in a cabin in Ruby Ridge, Idaho because of a weapon’s charge Randy had to face from the government. The Weavers had strange beliefs! They thought whites were superior to the other races and that Jews ran everything! Diane Ladd who is Laura Dern’s real mother played her mom in the movie, but Bruce Dern didn’t play her father. Vicky’s parents were horrified by the way their grandchildren used guns and the beliefs the Weavers held! There was a siege at Ruby Ridge with government agents and the Weaver son and a family friend. Sammy who was 14 was shot and killed after his dog got shot. After the agent shot Sammy, the family friend shot the agent. When Randy came back to the cabin, Vicky, Sara, and 10 month old Elisheba met him and the agents shot Vicky while she held her baby. I forgot how long the standoff lasted, but eventually the Weavers surrendered. I read about Sara, Rachel, and Elisheba. The government gave them money for the botched raid and their father as well. Sara is now a born again Christian and she believes in love and tolerance, not hatred like her parents taught her. I think the Weaver case is an extreme case of what can happen when people embrace racism instead of thinking, “Hey, all God’s children!”

        Like

    • Angela says:

      Yes. This. Thank you.

      Also, Bridget, I like that you keep bringing up the Monkees. Just wanted to say that :D.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Thank you! I saw them in concert once and thought they were very good! Despite the rumor of not playing their own instruments, yes, that did happen, but after a while they controlled their own music and learned to play instruments. I prefer listening to the Monkees and Beatles over Hot Daddy and the Stupid Monkey Puppets! What does one expect? Jesse came up with Yakking with Youth and some writer on the show came to his senses and realized the name Dustin that Jesse originally liked is dumb!

        Like

      • Angela says:

        Cool! Glad the show was a good one for you. My mom’s seen them before, too, and she got to see Davy solo once as well, and she also had a great time. Yeah, people make jokes about the whole instruments thing all the time, but Mike and Peter were actually legit musicians before the show even started, and Davy had done musical theater, so that certainly didn’t hurt matters.

        “Yakking with Youth” will never not be (unintentionally) funny. I always picture someone talking to an actual yak when I hear that.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I agree that Mike and Peter were real musicians! Mike wrote “Different Drum” and Peter could perform from the time he was 9. They were funny at the concert I saw! I think my second cousin Tommy Bruce should keep Peter in mind when he goes for the chemo treatments he will need for his lymphoma. Peter’s voice began to sound strange to him and his doctor found a tumor the size of a plum in his throat. He had surgery to remove the thing and treatments and he pulled through just fine! A side effect of the surgery was a dry throat, but that’s better than a fatal disease! Peter’s older than my second cousin and he beat cancer. A lot of people beat fatal cancer. Now, Davy, that was just sad! His parents gave him his good looks and talent, but their genes gave him an early death!

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        I also think Michael Nesmith and Martin Sheen looked like each other when they were younger!

        Like

      • Angela says:

        “Different Drum” is a great song. My mom loves Mike’s songwriting, she says he has such an unique way of writing lyrics. He had some classic songs of his own in the group.

        I’d heard that about Peter’s cancer scare, yeah! So glad he managed to make it through okay-indeed, a dry throat or cancer, no question which one to pick there. I’m sorry to hear your second cousin has lymphoma-hopefully he’ll be able to get it properly treated and taken care of very quickly!

        (Also, I read that as Tommy Boyce for a moment and thought someone famous was your second cousin :p!)

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Angela, thank you for your best wishes in regards to Tommy Bruce! His aunt was my maternal grandmother and he was named after my Uncle Tom. His sister Verna Lynn was sort of named after her mom Lavern and then there is Gary, Tommy Bruce’s and Verna Lynn’s brother. I am thinking of going into medical coding. At first I thought I had to memorize a phone book sized book of numbers, but you don’t really have to! Very few of us have Marilu Henner’s memory! I do have a bit of a famous relative. Margaret aka Peggy Krusick is a Democratic representative from Wisconsin where I live and she gets mentioned in the newspaper. My maternal grandparents never had sons so that is why I am not Bridget Krusick.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        My second cousin’s full name is Thomas Bruce Werner, Jr. I forgot to mention that!

        Like

    • LiveStudioAudience says:

      My husband is full-blooded Greek; his father immigrated here, his mother was born here after HER parents immigrated here. Needless to say, they are very, VERY Greek and very much still adhere to the culture.

      That said, my husband has never nor would never mack on someone else’s wife, nor would he put up with that kind of bullshit behavior if another man-ESPECIALLY a relative- tried to do it to me.

      Like

    • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

      Coptic checking in. Arabic men are also somewhat in the middle. They’re not kidnapping Nigerian school girls, but they’re also not like your father either. It all depends on the culture.

      Like

    • Laurie says:

      Your dad sounds fucking cool

      Like

  26. RG says:

    Anyone else think Stavros saying “seedy motel” sounded a lot like “shitty motel?” I always thought so, and I’m thinking “how on earth did that get past the radar?” XD Even another guy I know who watches the show detected that. I liked this episode too, great acting by Stamos acting like a total stereotypical Greek. Though his “I worked for it speech” was complete BS.

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Maybe it’s like “City Wok” on South Park? Seems like you can get away with “almost swearing” if you stress that it’s an accent.

      Like

  27. Sperm says:

    Six more weeks until Lou Bond.

    Like

  28. Waterlily says:

    After seeing this episode and Greek Week, I wonder if every member of the Kasopolis family has an identical cousin in Greece. It would be funny if Pam’s twin showed up.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Waterlily, they all probably do! Stephanie’s identical cousin Stephania will show up and so will DJ’s identical cousin Donathia and these girls will be played by Candace and Jodie in brown wigs. I think if I was Patty Duke I would be mad that a subpar sitcom was using the identical cousin storyline and doing a terrible job!

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Hell, I’m annoyed that they seemed to reference that Monty Python sketch. If you’re going to make crappy TV, at least refrain from tainting the good stuff.

        Like

  29. Corey says:

    Completely unrelated to this episode, but I couldn’t wait until next season to share this piece of trivia I just learned:

    COMET WAS PLAYED BY THE SAME DOG THAT PLAYED AIR BUD.

    Omg.

    Comet is the most successful member of the full house.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Corey, Comet reminds me of my dog Buddy and my late dog Daisy. Both of them are goldens like Comet. One boy said Daisy looked like Chewbacca with all her hair! I think goldens are the best breed there is even with all that hair that gets all over the place!

      Like

    • Laura says:

      Cool! Now I wish Comet played with the others in the basketball episode they did.

      Like

      • Bridget says:

        Laura, goldens are innocent looking terrors as puppies! Daisy has chewed up our table legs and once she destroyed my mom’s bra, underwire and all! Once me, my parents, Buddy our remaining golden, and Daisy were crossing a bridge and Daisy was terrified! She hated swimming as well and didn’t like getting her fur wet! Comet reminds me of our goldens so much!

        Like

    • SavaFiend says:

      That means he had a more prolific acting career than Dave Coulier too! 😮

      Like

  30. KickYourFace says:

    I just want to know why in the hell Danny let Stavros take his kids in a car. Just look at the fucking guy. What is wrong with him?

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      I know! The fashions of the late 1960s to early 1970s are vomit inducing and that is what Stavros is wearing. I remember watching a Robert Urich movie called “Deadly Relations” and it was a true story of an obsessive father who killed the husbands of two of his four daughters. Anyway, the movie took place in the late 1960s to mid 1970s and I remember the pants Robert Urich’s character wore and they looked like Stavros’s pants. Stavros looks like a porn star from the 1970s or something! I don’t watch porn at all and the last dirty movie I saw was “Showgirls.”

      Like

  31. michelle says:

    uncle j cousin looks like rapist danny dropped the ball letting his kids go with him if dad grandpa on bed did send them to mental break down being alone with prev cousin did

    Like

  32. CathySantone says:

    Danny totally loved the banana on his face.

    Like

    • Casey says:

      This comment alone makes me wish this website had a “like” button for comments… Since there isn’t one: “Like!”

      Like

  33. Slim says:

    I always found it interesting that everyone just took Stavros word for there being a disaster in the Greek Village. I mean how would Stavros find that out?? Does he have a phone? Did you watch it on World News? And its even more stupid that the Tanners would just believe him. So Gullible..So Stupid. Hard to believe these idiots live in San Francisco, which is a pretty intellectual city.

    Oh yeah, and where did all these people come from at the Smash Club? Donate to a children’s hospital and everyone is cool with it? Thats Bull!! – I would of expected people to at least feel scammed and not trust the organizers, let alone listen to a teenager talk about “lets give the money to a hosptial…” I mean..how can the Tanners be trusted? I would rather take my money back and donate it DIRECTLY to the Childrens Hospital so I know there is no scam with this dumb family.

    Like

  34. Slim says:

    I know this has nothing to do with this episode, but watching it has made me think how big of losers the Tanners are.. When was the last time any of them got laid ? Maybe this is the reason they act this way??? I mean besides Jesse, I dont think Joey has ever got past 1st base!!!

    Like

  35. Stephen Gray says:

    Has anyone ever tried tweeting a link to Jodi Sweetin? I know Joey there RT’d a link and said “sounds cool” then deleted it once he read the site, but she was recently commending Family Guy for making fun of her recently, calling it hilarious.

    Like

  36. Memon says:

    Maybe Stavros was confused and was talking about Jesse’s future careers as a doctor, dentist, and most recently sports manager. Man besides Full House John Stamos has worked as some pretty decent careers.

    Like

    • Slim says:

      I do recall there was a Lifetime movie where he played an abusive husband of some sort..not sure why I was even watching the Lifetime network..that bothers me

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Claim irony. I have a friend whose favorite past-time is watching Lifetime Original Movies ironically. She even categorizes them: “shittiest fonts used in LOM titles” (that category comes complete with screencaps, and the winner was ultimately ComicSans); “stars that one chick who was also in this one sitcom”; “early performances from now-famous stars”; “OMG, I found Michael Cera!”

        Like

      • Angela says:

        Yeah, Lifetime movies are pretty hilariously bad. I never saw the actual movie itself in full, but I remember “The Soup” once showed clips from the one about Drew Peterson, and WOW, it looked like it was all kinds of “What. The. Ever-loving. Fuck?”

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Angela, I laughed a bit at two Patty Duke drama movies on Lifetime. In one she and her retired husband were planning on sailing the world when she got pregnant. She had a grown son and a grandson already. When she had a baby girl, she said, “She’s such a girl!”. In another movie she and Martin Sheen were the parents of a murdered marine fighting his slutty wife for custody of their granddaughter. In one scene, she and Martin went to the records building or courthouse to see custody papers or something and the 2 guys presenting these papers were arguing over the air conditioning. Both were fat and one snapped, “I am a fat man and I need to be cooled down!”. Well, you had to be there to see that movie!

        Like

      • Casey says:

        Yes!! I have seen that Lifetime movie!!

        I mean. What? What’s lifetime?

        Like

  37. SavaFiend says:

    I wanna know how that banana totally liquefies when Joey squeezes it. I mean, come on, Joey is not that strong, and furthermore, as anal retentive as Danny Tanner is, you know he doesn’t leave any bananas that ripe sitting around the house!

    Like

  38. Casey says:

    *slow claps*
    Just.. just beautiful, Billy. So good! Your posts just get better and better each week

    Like

  39. TBH says:

    First time commenting but I’ve been a reader since the end of last year. I actually found your blog because of your SBTB article.

    I loved Full House as a kid (yeah… I know…) but even back then I seen the ridiculousness in some of the stuff that was going on in each episode. It wasn’t until I watched it as an adult (and with the help of this blog) that I realized how bad it really was. It’s like that with a lot of shows I watched as kid…

    I love this blog and look forward to the weekly update, I’ve even been inspired to start my own review blog (for a different show), though that is a work in progress.

    P.S. For a long time I thought I was the only one (besides my mom who actually pointed it out, because she’s awesome like that) who thought the Olsen twins looked like troll dolls. My best friend as a kid even argued with me over it, she thought they were adorable. Meh…

    Like

  40. Full House recoveree says:

    This blog is amazing. I loved this show when I was young (born in 90) loved it again on reruns as a middling teen. Now the show is back on Nick at Nite and it’s driving me crazy. I found this blog at the perfect time! I’ve been reading as much as I can for the past two nights, the writing is just too fuckin’ funny. I love your work BS.

    Like

  41. Bri says:

    I hate you because when you write a really awesome review like this one, I always feel a need to watch the episode as I re-read the entry. Awful. Purely awful.

    I am amazed that you were able to recognize that impression as John Wayne. Joey’s never good at impressions, but I think that one was a personal worst.

    I like how nobody in the family bothered to meet Jesse at the airport. Because that’d require either another set (though they could reuse the one from that shitty Christmas episode), or an extra bit of plot, which I’m sure these writers were incapable of. John Stamos’ lack of acting skills really come through with his Stavros character… my god. I mean regarding trying to play an offensively stereotypical Greek person – he is pretty damn good at being super creepy, but I’m guessing that just comes naturally to him.

    Greek people don’t eat lamb guts. They do eat lamb, and it’s delicious. This show is so offensive.

    I like the plot device that people are so fucking stupid as to give CASH at a fundraiser to someone they don’t know. Nobody does that. He didn’t provide any proof that there’s even a mudslide, and people don’t even question where the money is going exactly… just give your cash to this guy and rest assured that he knows how to help? This must be THE dumbest plot idea in the show’s history. Especially considering he scammed the family previously, and then they immediately jump to getting poor suckers into giving him cash?? Those people would have been enraged to find out about the scam, too – they were all so passive, and then just applauded the idea of sending the money to a charity. So, so beyond dumb.

    I’m glad I don’t write the reviews for this show, because I have way too high of expectations. I compare it to things that are remotely thought-out and realistic. So true that the show got way worse over time – the episodes now make me rage-filled.

    Like

  42. Full House Expert says:

    This ep is one of many that made me really, honestly, earnestly, intensely dislike Jesse Cochran-Katsopolis as a character. That self-centered, narcissistic, “this is the way I am and my family needs to accept me” bull gets old really fast.

    Like

  43. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    ‘THURSDAY…9:18 am’

    That seems to be a running theme on this show. Repeating a line that wasn’t funny nor cute from the get go whilst hoping that it sticks with the viewer. A practice heavily used in seasons one and two.

    Like

  44. ts1993 says:

    Danny lent Stavros his car because he didn’t want to hurt Jesse’s feeling and Stavros parks it in front of a fire hydrant because he’s a dick.

    Like

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