Season 8, Episode 7, “On the Road Again”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Jesse jams out with his new band, which now has like 50 members (including some pretty fly backup singers).  At the end of the song, Viper starts smashing his guitar, either because it was stylish at the time, what with the kids and their grungy music (note his ripped jeans), or because he suddenly realized how horrible the band he joined is.  The rest of the family all praise Jesse and his terrible new band and then he reveals their name: Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets.  I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.  Is it supposed to sound like something else, or be a reference to something, or what?  I remember Jesse having a monkey puppet and calling himself “Hot Daddy” when he was home schooling the twins a few episodes ago but that doesn’t really explain why it ended up being the band’s name.  Michelle’s all, “what the fuck?,” not because of how nonsensical the name is, but because she suggested they be called “Uncle Jesse and the Sunflowers” and, to her astonishment, as well as my own, they actually didn’t do what she said for once.  I can’t really say which name is worse.  Finally, did you notice Jesse’s stylish dashiki?  If you missed it somehow, please take a moment to soak it in.

After Jesse escorts his new band mates out of the back door, Viper loops around the side of the house and meets up with DJ in front of the kitchen windows for some hot smooching. Danny walks into the kitchen and sees them, which is pretty unavoidable because they’re in a totally conspicuous place, and he decides for some reason that he has to hide behind the kitchen counter so they don’t see him.

After they’re gone, Joey shows up and Danny confides in him about what he just saw.  Joey gives some uncharacteristically wise advice about how Danny forbidding DJ to date Viper will just further compel her to do so but then, before the room could really start spinning as I laid witness to Joey’s alarming unforeseen cognizance, he started talking about how he got sick from eating too much dirt when he was in high school and all was right with the world again.

Stephanie and Michelle go into DJ’s room and start a hardcore snooping campaign, straight up digging through her shit so they can find her diary because they think she has a new boyfriend.  They find a big glossy photo of the Monkey Puppets under her pillow and deduce that she must be dating one of them, but before they can begin to speculate about which one it is, DJ enters the room.  Instead of apologizing for being invasive assholes, they start grilling DJ about who she’s dating until she finally shoves them out the door.

As they prepare to travel to their upcoming gig, the Monkey Puppets lament their roadie unexpectedly quitting and decide to dupe Joey into doing the job for free by asking him to open for their performance with his shitty stand-up comedy act.

Everyone helps Becky carry her and the twins’ luggage to the car because they’re going on the road with Jesse for some reason.  After they all exit the scene, Viper comes into the kitchen and starts smoochin’ all up on DJ again.  He tries to persuade her to come to the gig and to tell her dad about them but she insists that Danny will object on account of his shabby attire and big fake tattoo.

Danny comes in and gives Viper the stink eye until he leaves and then DJ convinces Kimmie Gibbler to come with her to the Monkey Puppets gig so Danny wont suspect that she’s just going so she can engage in more closed mouth smooching with Viper.

Jesse brings his wife and young children to the shittiest hotel on the planet.  Apparently he stayed there a bunch of times before but I guess he didn’t notice all the filth and malfunctioning equipment because he was too busy bangin’ groupies.  Becky seems pretty imperturbable about the whole thing, presumably because it’s pretty much what she’s come to expect at this point, but it still seems odd to me that she doesn’t just offer to pay for a nicer hotel, what with her high paying job and all.

DJ tells Danny that she’s going to go see Jesse’s band with Kimmie Gibbler and he tells her that there’s no way that she’s going because he knows all about her personal business.  She asks him why the fuck she was spying on her and for some reason he doesn’t clarify that he only knows because she was smooching in front of a big window and all he was doing was standing in the kitchen.  Danny tells DJ that he doesn’t trust Viper because, unlike Steve, he’s not really the kind of guy who will wait 18 months to get to second base and then DJ tells him that he can go suck a dick because she’s gonna go anyway and he can’t stop her.

As Becky entertains the twins with the vibrating bed, Jesse brings back a bunch of crap from the vending machine for dinner, like a true hunter gatherer.  Joey and Viper come in to scheme on the snacks and then Jesse admits that the hotel is a big shithole, which leads to an existential crisis about him getting older.

Before Jesse can fully face facts about being an aging failure, Danny calls his room to tell him that Viper has been dating DJ, who’s on her way to their show as they speak.  Danny rounds up Stephanie and Michelle so they can head over there, too, and then Jesse immediately fires Viper after hanging up the phone.  Viper says that Jesse can kick him out of their terrible band if he wants but he wont stop pursuing a lukewarm relationship with DJ and then he storms off.

As Joey does the mic check, the gig owner, who’s got to be the seediest motherfucker who ever walked the earth, comes over to him and wags his cigar while demanding that they appease the polka fans who are coming to the show that night (incidentally, I kept thinking that the owner was saying “poker” and it took me several minutes to understand why poker fans demanded a particular type of music for their card night).  Before Joey can fully explain the situation to Jesse, DJ comes in with Kimmie Gibbler and Jesse pulls her aside and tells her that he fired Viper.  DJ’s all, “what the fuck?” and Jesse explains that Viper’s a greasy young musician who wants nothing but poontang and then Becky cuts in and points out that Jesse was the exact same way when they met.  She further explains that her own mother objected to her dating Jesse at first and for some reason no one takes this as a blaring alarm that DJ is about to get into a relationship with a guy that will do nothing but sponge off her and drag her down.  Becky says that she had to show her mom that there was more to Jesse than “long hair, rock ‘n’ roll and a Harley,” so I guess Becky’s mom was persuaded to like him after learning that he also likes fried chicken.  That had to be it because there really is nothing else to him after that.

The club owner comes over and starts demanding that the band gets ready to perform some polka and Jesse’s like, “what the fuck are you even talking about?”  Once the situation is clarified, Jesse tells him that they’re not equipped for polka but then the owner tells him that he’s got a “roomful of polka supplies.”  Sure, why not?  Before Jesse can explain that they’re not a polka band and are totally unqualified to play that kind of music, Viper intervenes and shares that he was raised in a polka band.  Ok, so that’s one guy who can play polka… how’s the rest of the band supposed to learn how to do it now?  Why are they even humoring this scenario?  I doubt that this gig pays jack shit.

Jesse is so moved by Viper’s offer to help him play a gig that he should clearly walk out on that he apologizes for objecting to their relationship and invites him back into the band.  As Jesse and his band head to the back room to prepare to humiliate themselves even more than they would have if they’d played their own music, Danny comes in with the girls.  DJ takes him aside and explains that she’s almost 18 years old and he can’t dictate who she can and can’t date.  The music comes on (for the first time in like 4 episodes!  I kind of hoped that it was never coming back but I guess that was a pretty unrealistic aspiration.  Maybe it was missing from those last episodes because they had such nonsensical premises’, whereas this one has a much clearer very special message.  Or, more likely, no one cared enough to remember to include it) as DJ explains that there’s nothing to worry about because she’s pretty obviously one of those wait-for-marriage chicks and then Danny says that he trusts her judgment, and then, hugs.

Jesse and his band come out in their lederhosen and I guess we’re supposed to believe that they can perform polka after all.  Hey, why not?  For a second I thought that the whole relationship premise was going to be nullified when DJ sees Viper in that ridiculous little polka outfit, because if that’s not a deal breaker then I don’t know what is, but for some reason she seems pretty into it.

The band plays a polka rendition of “I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night” as everyone dances around like corny assholes and the performance runs through the entire credits because I guess they thought someone would be able to stand to watch more than 5 seconds of it. Well, they were wrong.

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124 Responses to Season 8, Episode 7, “On the Road Again”

  1. Christian says:

    Jeez, all of DJ’s boyfriends are such archaic stereotypes. Steve (the Jock), Nelson (the nerd), and Viper (the bad boy). It’s like this show was made in the fucking ’50s or something.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Richard says:

    Well at least Joey didn’t get to perform.

    Like

  3. Ella Stern says:

    That hotel was a total shithole! And what was up with the bed and why did Becky have to deal with it?!?!?!

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Ella, I agree with you! Once I was traveling with my parents and 2 golden retrievers and we stayed in a motel in Kentucky that had dirty bedding and no soaps in the bathroom. My mom was upset until they moved us to the room next door and it was marginally better! It could be in Jesse’s case that he had more drugs in him than the community of Jonestown when he was staying in this crappy motel and he was banging so many ladies!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Angela says:

        Dirty bedding. Ew.

        My sister and a friend of hers liked to take a lot of trips and go to concerts and stuff like that. They were on one of said trips once and they rented a room at a motel…and when they first got inside, for some reason, everything in the room was inexplicably set on top of one of the beds. And I do mean EVERYTHING-the phone, the chairs, the table…pretty much any furniture that could be lifted up there was, along with any other miscellaneous items. They have photos of that bizarre scene somewhere.

        They also stayed in a room once that stated outright on a sign out front that there were no refunds after five minutes.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Angela & Everyone, I hope you’re not eating now, but 20/20 did a show about dirty motels. After the rooms were cleaned, they shined a black light or something on the darkened rooms and found old semen stains all over the place! I wonder how long sperm exist outside the human body?

        Like

      • Angela says:

        Just finished eating, actually! I swear, I seem to subconsciously time these things or something.

        I don’t recall seeing that specific episode, but I’ve heard about people finding stuff like that in hotel rooms, yeah. My sister works at a hotel, she does the housekeeping, and she’s told me some stories about the stuff she’s found in the bedsheets and rooms. It’s amazing how gross some people have no problem being sometimes.

        Like

    • Michelle says:

      sitcoms sure like to hammer in the proof that it’s a crappy motel by having vibrating beds….

      Like

      • Sara Wilson says:

        Totally Michelle! I know dozens of sitcoms have done the vibrating bed thing but any chance you were thinking of Roseanne when you mentioned it? 🙂 haha
        Maybe it’s because I’m such a big Roseanne fan but her vibrating bed episode stuck out for me when I read that

        Like

    • Smash says:

      This might be the most mind-boggling episode of them all. The fact that Becky doesn’t vomit the second she steps through the door and fully embraces sleeping there with her effing kids actually blows me away. No way. I wouldn’t even deem a place like that acceptable if I was broke.

      Like

  4. lovetolaugh says:

    Happy Friday, everyone!

    A couple of points to make about this one:

    1. I feel badly for Viper, I really do. Jesse didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself or give him the benefit of the doubt before straight-up kicking him out of the band. Why would Viper even want to work for that hypocritical narcissist?

    2. I’m disappointed in Stephanie. Clearly she learned nothing from that episode last season in which she snooped around Steve’s apartment and infuriated DJ before promising her one last time to stay out of her private life. Looks like the music did not work its magic!

    3. Anytime a sitcom or movie presents the overused trope of an overprotective father trying to forbid his daughter from dating a ostensibly untrustworthy young man, I never know whom to side with. On the one hand, Danny cannot control who DJ likes and wishes to see, and he should not weasel his way into her private life. On the other hand, as long as he’s paying for her shelter, her food, her education, etc, she should probably respect his wishes …

    Oh, no, I’m thinking about it too much.

    4. Is it me or does DJ look at seem older than 17? I would probably place her at around 20.

    Like

    • Sarah Portland says:

      Yeah, I kind of feel bad for Viper, too. I’ve never seen this episode, but he seems like a good guy.
      BONUS TRIVIA! The Van Halen boys grew up in a polka band 😀

      Like

    • Penny says:

      Candace Cameron was born in 1976, which would make her about 18 here. About the only thing Full House did consistently right was cast actors approximately the same age as its characters.

      Like

    • Jamie says:

      I always thought DJ looked way older, too! When she hit puberty and went from cute to beautiful she always had a mature look about her.

      Like

    • Angela says:

      Agreed on Viper. I don’t mind the guy, either-he doesn’t come off like a sleazeball, and I’d like to think we’ve gotten past the point in society where a guy with longer hair and ripped jeans and tattoos is supposed to apparently automatically make them a “bad boy”. And indeed, Jesse is being one hell of a massive hypocrite here. I’ll even give him the benefit of the doubt here for a moment, and guess that he’s probably remembering what he was like when he, or at least, the guys he hung out with, were like at that age and doesn’t want to see his niece potentially get hurt or mistreated or something, which would be a fair concern.

      But in order to see to it that doesn’t happen, then, the logical thing to do would be to get to know Viper and THEN judge from there whether or not he’d treat DJ well, and talk to her about this maturely. Asking too much, though, I know.

      Good point about Stephanie as well. Michelle I could see being all snooping and such, but isn’t Stephanie a little old to be in that stage still?

      I also agree that Danny should respect his daughter’s privacy and trust her to make the right choices at this stage in her life-it’s time to start letting her go and experience being an adult. But that’s easier said than done sometimes, and given how scuzzy some guys CAN be, I don’t blame him for wanting to keep an eye out.

      Like

    • Lisa says:

      The whole thing with DJ saying Danny couldn’t say who she dated always bothered me, even as a kid. Nice respect for your parent there, who, yeah, has paid for your food, shelter and entire life, and who cares a lot more about you than some random guy does.

      Like

      • Minani says:

        @Lisa I told a friend of mine about this and he and I both agreed that if we told our parents what DJ told Danny while we were still financially dependent on them we would have been back-handed as soon as we said it. What DJ said is unrealistic. It’s not that I hate Viper or anything, it’s just that I’m mad that she said that. Did the writers really think that would be an appropriate thing for DJ to say to Danny? Or that she would get away with it in real life? God, the stupidity of this show.

        Like

  5. hebrewersfan says:

    I love how many episodes those girls always accuse someone of spying on them, even though they do everything out in the open just like you mentioned about being in the kitchen in front of the giant windows. I think the only time it would have been applicable is when Danny went to Steve’s apartment to look through the windows.

    Like

    • Corey says:

      This is one of my most-hated cliches in TV shows.

      Like

    • Doc Reventlov says:

      I think sometimes it’s justified in the Full house, though. I mean nobody respects anyone else’s privacy there. you can never be sure that someone isn’t reading your diary or listening to your conversations through a vent.

      Like

    • Oh Mylanta says:

      She had every right to be mad when Danny went to Steve’s apartment and stood on a chair to look through the window. She had every right to be HELLA mad (this blog has given me a new-found appreciation of the word “hella”) when Stephanie and Kimmy broke into Steve’s apartment and snooped around because they thought Steve was cheating on her. But making out in front of that ginormous kitchen window? …Yeeeah, she was just asking to be “spied” on.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh Mylanta says:

    Not gonna lie, I do love polka. It’s corny, but it’s just really fun to dance to.

    Becky says that she had to show her mom that there was more to Jesse than “long hair, rock ‘n’ roll and a Harley,” so I guess Becky’s mom was persuaded to like him after learning that he also likes fried chicken. That had to be it because there really is nothing else to him after that.

    Aaaand coffee through the nose! Thanks, Billy. That one had me literally ROFLing.

    Like

    • PinkDork says:

      Yeah OM, that was a good one!

      Like

    • Angela says:

      My grandpa apparently loved polka music. My mom has memories from when she was a kid of being in the car and hearing “Oompa, oompa, oompa!” over and over. And her dad would NOT turn off the station, even when it started to get all crackly as the signal was fading.

      That’s not a favorite memory for her.

      Like

  7. Michelle=hate says:

    I remember this episode vaguely bc I always thought “dj you have a whole damn house and you are making out in front of a window!?” I mean really, go to kimmys! Her parents are never around apparently. I guess she figures since lil miss futrue drug addict and lil miss futrue anorexic are always up in her business like its their job that she will just start slutting it up out in the open. Woo go dj, its about time your panties got out of a wad!

    Like

  8. rown says:

    Why did the band even stay in a hotel? Clearly it was close enough to home for the entire family to come to the show. Even when deciding last minute the afternoon of the show, they still made it in plenty of time and didn’t seem worried that a late night trip home would interfere with school or Danny’s early AM talk show.
    Why did they tolerate this dump if they were so close to home?

    If Jessie owns his own club, why is he so desperate to play this gig? When he learns the place is a dump and the club owner wants them to play a weirdly specific type of music (that he didn’t bother mentioning until moments before they went on), why didn’t Jessie just say ‘forget this’ and go play his own club for exposure? How is playing this gig going to further their career? It’s not their music and not their target audience.

    Who is Jessie’s manager that they didn’t clarify what type of music they were to play? Jessie has, theoretically been playing for years. He completely forgot to ask any questions about the venue or it’s audience? The venue never checked to see what type of music the band played? Polka is a pretty specific type of music to just leave to chance that a band you’ve never had in will be able to play.

    Why am I trying to read any logic or critical thinking to anything that happens on this show? I guess the answer to all my questions is “because the script said so”!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Packerchu says:

      And wouldn’t those into the Bay Area polka scene know most of the bands who regularly play? Is there only one place that plays polka in Northern CA?

      Like

    • PinkDork says:

      See, your problem is applying “logic” to the show. The band needlessly stayed in a craptacular shit hole hotel so Jesse could age-angst while we watch Aunty Becky and the twins find such exotic ephemera as “cockroaches,” “STDs,” and “used condoms.” Storytelling norms and geographical locations don’t enter into this script. Like at all.

      Like

  9. PinkDork says:

    Wow – that’s one glorious Brillo pad head suit Viper’s sportin’! If the whole being in Jesse’s shitty band thing doesn’t work out, he can always use his special – erm – attribute to secure a much better paying gig as a dishwasher at the Olive Garden.

    Like

  10. Alison says:

    I’m kind of disappointed in Becky. I have a 5 year old and if my husband took us to a seedy hotel like that I’d ask him if he was out of his flipping mind. God only knows how many heroin needles are under that blanket. Trying to make Jesse feel better about being older and things changing is one thing. Making her kids stay in a roach infested craphole with coke residue on the toilet tank is a completely different story. Also, there’s only one bed. Where were the kids going to sleep?? Under the bed next to the dead hooker?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Angela says:

      I loved the last two sentences in your post in particular :D.

      Like

    • Bridget says:

      Alison, did you see “The Middle” where the Heck family stayed at a crappy motel? I won’t go into what was in the bathroom! I think your 5 year old would whine, “Mommy, it stinks here!” if you all stayed at a rotten motel! The urban legion about finding a corpse under the bed is true, by the way! As for my family and the dogs in Kentucky, I thought to myself at the time, For God’s sake, we are human beings and are used to soap and we’re tired!

      Like

  11. Sarah Portland says:

    I could only wish that getting older meant that you acquired better taste in hotel rooms. My dad lived to 73 and was a huge fan of Motel 6 his whole life (VOM). His boyfriend had much better taste in hotels, and I was hoping it would rub off on him, but sadly, it went the other way, and they both ended up liking Motel 6.

    Like

  12. Jamie says:

    Ugh, this episode ALWAYS pissed me off.

    1. What in the woooooorld is wrong with Viper that all of the fathers and uncles hate him so much?! He has never been anything but nice and polite. Maybe a little dumb, but so what? He has long hair and wears ripped jeans…is the moral of this story to “judge a book by it’s cover”?!

    2. Seriously, I know Aunt Becky has completely lost her mind but she clearly makes stacks and stacks and after seeing that shithole, why wouldn’t she go insist on staying in a nice hotel? Like, for her toddlers’ sake at the very least?

    3. “Becky says that she had to show her mom that there was more to Jesse than “long hair, rock ‘n’ roll and a Harley,” so I guess Becky’s mom was persuaded to like him after learning that he also likes fried chicken.”
    Genius. Although I think he actually has another trait: “Consistently whining about being a failed musician who misses his youth”. Oh, and “terrible father/husband”. God, he was better off when he was so one dimensional…

    4. Also, I never understand TV plot lines where dads are so adamant about their daughters not dating. Maybe it’s cause I’ve never been a dad, but what, do they want their daughters to be weirdo freaks who miss out on a normal teenage-hood? I had my first real boyfriend when I was 16, he was in a punk band (mind you, a band WAYYYY cooler than Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets…) and my parents were totally happy for me and never cared when I went to any of his shows with my friends!

    5. I also come from a family of three girls (I’m the baby…but I swear I’m nothing like Michelle…) and I hella looked up to my older sisters. My oldest is one of my biggest idols (wow, i’m corny), and I NEVER snooped around like that. What the fuck? Do they have nothing better to do? Isn’t Stephanie old enough to have, I don’t know, friends to take up her time by now?! R.I.P cute little Steph. She got so lame.

    Thank you Billy for continuing on watching this monstrosity<3 ❤

    And have a good weekend, y'alllllll!

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Jamie, a lot of little sisters don’t act like Michelle, that’s for sure! I don’t have sisters, but I read the “Little House” books and “Little Women” and learned about older and younger sisters. “The Brady Bunch” taught me some stuff, too! Are you like Cindy, is the middle one like Jan and the oldest, well, “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” Alice knew where Jan was coming from being a middle child because she said her sister Myrtle was the baby and Emily did the bossing! I don’t think Stephanie and Michelle have any right to invade DJ’s privacy. I see nothing wrong with Viper and maybe Jesse is jealous because Viper is the hot new musician who dethroned him or something!

      Like

    • Oh Mylanta says:

      What really pisses me off about #4 is that TV parents never have ANY qualms about their sons dating, unless they get the girl pregnant or something. They’re all like, “Way to go, sport!” Fuck you, double standards.

      Like

      • Angela says:

        Ugh, so true.

        Yeah, I had my first boyfriend when I was 15 and my dad was totally fine with the whole thing. It was my mom who was a little more concerned…but even then, she didn’t freak out the way TV parents seem to do at the idea.

        Like

      • Stacy says:

        Same for me. I was 15 when I started going out with my first boyfriend (my first love at that). And my dad (who was quite protective – though he’d always say he trusted me but he didn’t necessarily trust others especially since he didn’t know them) liked my boyfriend. First of all, my parents got to know him and secondly, because he was a nice guy. In fact, I’m STILL in touch with him to this day (20+ years later) and he sent me the SWEETEST message saying how he’ll always care for me and I’ll always be a special person in his life. Cue the: awwwwws. lol

        Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        Full House Studio Audience: “AWWWWWW.”

        Like

      • Angela says:

        *Also “AWWWWWWWWWW”s* 🙂

        Seriously, that is a really sweet story. I’ve only read about the guy via your post and I’m totally with your parents on liking him!

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Stacy, that’s good they got to know the boy! Did your father lay down the rules of pure kissing, no Frenching, and certainly no sex because he didn’t want to deal with a grandchild?

        Like

  13. teebore says:

    They find a big glossy photo of the Monkey Puppets under her pillow and deduce that she must be dating one of them

    First of all, maybe this is just because I’m the oldest and not a girl, but why the hell do they care whether she has a new boyfriend or not? Secondly, once they’ve decided the boyfriend is in the band, is it really THAT hard to deduce who it is? Hint: it’s the one who’s not their uncle’s age.

    …what with her high paying job and all…

    That she’s apparently taking a leave of absence from to tour with Jermsey?

    DJ tells Danny that she’s going to go see Jesse’s band with Kimmie Gibbler

    Wait, if this concert is just a car drive away, why the hell are Jermsey and company staying in that shitty hotel?

    so I guess Becky’s mom was persuaded to like him after learning that he also likes fried chicken

    Jermsey totally lucked out in the fact that Becky’s mom is the only person on the planet who likes fried chicken more than he does.

    but for some reason she seems pretty into it.

    That reason would be because she’s the squarest square that ever squared.

    Like

    • Penny says:

      Who says she didn’t just have a big glossy photo of the band because her uncle was in it?

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Right? She’s already got that lame-ass pic of Joey and Jermsey clipped to her wall. And really, who hides photos of their crushes under their pillows? What is this, Grease?

        Like

      • lovetolaugh says:

        We posters are probably in our 20s and 30s for the most part, so we likely forget what its like to be a teenager.

        I saved pictures of my crushes all the time at a younger age 🙂

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Probably because I never had any crushes as a teen. I had one in 4th grade, and one in my early twenties.
        But oh, how times have changed! These days, DJ would have been Facebook-stalking Viper, and Stephanie and Michelle would have had to scour her browser to glean anything 😛

        Like

      • Angela says:

        So did I :D. I remember girls hanging posters and pictures up in their lockers at school, too.

        Hell, even today if I happen across a photo of a celebrity I like I’ll have a moment where I’m just sitting there staring and drooling :p.

        Like

      • catwalkspy says:

        Haaaaaaaaaaa!

        Like

    • MarkNS says:

      I’m ashamed I didn’t wonder why they’re staying in a hotel although the gig is a short drive away. Now I can’t stop wondering about it…

      Like

    • SavaFiend says:

      I don’t know, Viper is supposed to be in the same age bracket as DJ, but he looks older to me, like early 20’s. Still, considering she’s the one who brought Viper to audition for the band in the first place, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out which guy in the band is her crush.

      Like

  14. Megan says:

    that Viper guy is not even cute. i mean the guy i liked the most was Steve oh and Nelson.

    Like

  15. Joe says:

    Gotta say, DJ got pretty damn hot towards the end. Always loved me some Candace Cameron, especially after she got onto Bill Nye the Science Guy!

    Like

  16. Alicia says:

    I’m surprised this gig didn’t turn into a feature on “Wake up San Francisco”…it used to be that every time the whole family went somewhere it ended up on Danny & Becky’s show, because what else do people want to watch but another family’s activities?

    And that fried chicken line got me cracking up…..great work once again!

    Like

  17. Amy R. says:

    Fun fact: Mongo is played by Teddy “Zigzag” Andreadis, who played keyboards during Guns N Roses’ Use Your Illusion tour. He was later featured as a participant on Trading Spaces. Slash stopped by to see how the trading was going. And there’s your six degrees of Olsen twin-Axl Rose separation.

    (I’ve recently wondered if Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets was a really sucky, family-friendly ripoff of Use Your Illusion-era GNR. Over the top, excessive, multiple backup singers… At least Axl never wore a dashiki, that we know of.)

    Like

    • Stacy says:

      Guns n Roses is my favorite band of all time. But even I admit, Axl wore some fuckin’ crazy outfits. The white biker shorts, the kilts and umpire chest thing. CRAZY.

      Oh, shit – I forgot that 3 days (the 17th) ago was the 22nd anniversary of the Use Your Illusion CDs’ debut! I so clearly remember them coming out because it was the week before my 15th birthday. And I got them both on tape. Ahhhhh, the 90s. lol

      Like

      • Amy R. says:

        The 17th is my birthday! I always found that to be fitting. Happy early birthday!

        Like

      • Stacy says:

        Happy belated birthday! Not too shabby to share it with the anniversary of the debut of Use Your Illusion! lol I have to settle for my birthday being 8 days later from that date.

        Like

    • Angela says:

      Did not know any of that! Wow. Talk about your small worlds, huh?

      I’d forgotten all about Jesse’s dashiki. It’s actually not a bad-looking piece of clothing in and of itself…just strange to see Jesse sporting it.

      As for the band name, I’m as mystified to its meaning as anyone else. All I seem to remember in relation to it is that Stephanie called it “sick and twisted”, or something like that.

      Like

  18. Nora says:

    Becky preached about convincing her mom that Jesse was more than long hair and whatnot, but didn’t they meet after he got his hair cut? And I thought Jesse didn’t even meet her mom until the wedding or something like that?

    Like

  19. songbird says:

    This was barely even a plot. Danny doesn’t want DJ dating Viper, she says “Fuck you, I’ll do what I want” and it’s all sorted, and Jesse (it took me about 30 seconds to remember his name, I went through Jermsey, Jenny, Jane, Joey, and Jeff…) played polka at a gig. How did that fill out 20 minutes?

    And do Danny and Becky still do their show? I don’t recall it being referenced recently.

    Like

  20. Dr. Bitz says:

    I always read this later on Friday and everyone says what I was going to say. So…what everyone else said.

    Like

  21. Baby Lovebutton says:

    I love how the first screencap of Jesse is a little blurry, because I remember in this episode they did a zoom in on him at that moment, as though to assure us that, yes, this was HIS band.

    Like

  22. Ashley says:

    Eight seasons in and I still laugh out loud every time Billy writes “sure, why not?” or “hey, why not?” in his reviews whenever some crazy coincidence pops up like one of the uncles having some skill we didn’t know about until it was convenient to the plot, or whenever Joey gets a job with little to no experience in the field.

    Like

    • Angela says:

      I loved this part of the review:

      before the room could really start spinning as I laid witness to Joey’s alarming unforeseen cognizance

      Poor guy sounded genuinely confused-this show is clearly doing a number on his mind!

      Luckily, though…

      he started talking about how he got sick from eating too much dirt when he was in high school and all was right with the world again.

      …aaaaaaaaaand we’re back. Whew.

      (And as for the whole thing with the dirt in high school, I want to ask, “WTF?”, and yet I’m not sure I want to know the story behind that. If there even is one.)

      Like

    • Baby Lovebutton says:

      Same here!

      Like

  23. Kelly says:

    Viper looks like he could be Stephanie’s twin brother in that picture where he’s wearing that polka getup. They have identical ugly faces.

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      I agree with you, Kelly! If you want to see a lady who looks like the female version of her twin brother, pull up the pictures of Kiefer and Rachel Sutherland!

      Like

  24. Kaz says:

    I sincerely hope Viper dies of AIDS. Then we find out he cheated on DJ with Kimmy Gibler. Kimmy later learns she has AIDS from getting banged in the ass by ol Vipes. The music plays as DJ and Kimmy have a heart to heart.

    Like

  25. Geonn says:

    You know, there’s a whole series of Full House novels. You could read them and review them with your same manner of…

    GOD NO. I’m sorry. I like you too much to even suggest that. Don’t do that to yourself, man.

    Like

  26. Kelly says:

    Viper looks like he could be Stephanie’s twin brother in that screen cap of him in the polka getup. They have identical ugly faces.

    Like

  27. jbeeee says:

    Another fantastic review that had me laughing out loud. I hate to think this is coming to an end. Love reading this every Friday. Great work, Billy Superstar!

    Like

  28. Ruby Lee says:

    This review taught me that there was more to Jesse than being a hot freeloader in a terrible band. As a vending-machine-hunter-and-empty-calorie-snack gatherer, he’s kind of an archeological find, as well.

    Like

  29. Packerchu says:

    “Before Jesse can explain that they’re not a polka band and are totally unqualified to play that kind of music, ….”

    Oh, NOW we care about an Asshole Parthenon’ qualifications. :p Getting back to DJ’s room, though, that’s about as close as we’re going to get to seeing any whale tail on this show.

    Like

  30. Sarah Portland says:

    Looking at the screencaps again, and – hey, wait! Jermsey plays drums? Since when? I thought he played lead guitar. I don’t recall ever seeing him on drums before. Am I expecting this show to be consistent when I know that it’s not?

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Sarah, he could play the drums and we witnessed his drum playing on the fog episode and that was because DJ and Kimmy messed with his tape and he yelled at them. He bought DJ a drum set from the Harry Levin Trio and rocked it!

      Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Ah, forgot about that. Thanks!

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        Ah, forgot about that. Thanks!

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Glad to be of service! It’s a weird thing to question, but I wonder if the two actors who played Jesse’s parents in the episode about the fog watched the show after they left the show? It was probably painful for Jaime Foxworth who was Judy Winslow to watch “Family Matters” after they had her leave at age 13!

        Like

      • Oh Mylanta says:

        “Judy, go clean your room and don’t come back for the rest of the series.”

        Liked by 1 person

      • Bridget says:

        It was painful for Jaime Foxworth to talk about her dismissal. I saw her on a show talking about it and she was almost in tears about it. She drifted into pornos and drugs after they let her go. She does joke about it, but I am sure she will never forget what happened!

        Like

  31. Jamie says:

    You know what’s really sad? At this point, Joey is more successful and content with life than Jesse. Yes, Joey remains forever alone, but he always lands his dream jobs with no problem whatsoever. And here Jesse is, with increasingly greasy hair, staying in a disgusting and shady motel with a crappy band that has to resort to playing polka… AND he still lives in the Full House. The only thing he has over Joey these days is a hot wife (who he treats like shit and kisses less than he kisses Michelle) and two semi-slow kids (who he treats like shit and kisses less than he kisses Michelle).

    Like

  32. catwalkspy says:

    I like how Viper looks like Pauly Shore back when Pauly Shore was Pauly Shore.

    Like

  33. CathySantone says:

    DJ is totally masturbating to that Monkey Puppet photo. Which is weird – coz Uncle Jesse’s in there too.

    Like

    • Oh Mylanta says:

      And she has that picture of Jesse and Joey on her bulletin board. Creepy.

      Like

      • SavaFiend says:

        I’m curious how Jesse’s band always has these out of town gigs. That would lead you to believe they’re popular…yet they’re playing some hole in the wall? Doesn’t look like the gig pays much. And why the hell would he bring Becky and the twins? I could understand him bringing Becky, but since when is a rock band’s gig an appropriate venue for children?

        Like

      • Sarah Portland says:

        It’s absolutely not appropriate. I guess they were shooting for the idea that there’s a huge difference between being in a rock band as a single dude with no kids who can shag random groupies in creepy hotel rooms, and being a guy in his thirties who has a wife and small children. They were probably shooting for it being a question of priorities. But because Billy didn’t mention Jermsey ditching the band at the end of this episode because he realizes that he ALREADY HAS A JOB and doesn’t need this band-touring crap, then I guessing that he didn’t learn a lesson. They wasted the music on DJ’s dumb subplot. So the moral of the story here is, always follow your dreams, even if it means dragging your family through shitty hotels on the off-chance that you might make it.

        Like

    • EverywhereYouLook says:

      Died laughing at this.. So true!

      Like

  34. Justin says:

    Wow, I’m finally caught up! This is as awesome as I dreamed it would be.

    I happened to catch this episode a month ago and I’ll admit that I laughed out loud when Stamos asked the club owner “Why aren’t you in Brooklyn”?

    Like

    • Bridget says:

      Justin, the club owner played God on one episode of “Joan of Arcadia.”

      Like

      • Justin says:

        That’s cool Bridget, although I have to admit I don’t know what that is.

        It’s so weird that Bridget is talking to me! My brain thinks it’s like if Danny Tanner were suddenly talking to me. I’ve just spent so long reading and not talking.

        Like

      • Bridget says:

        Justin, “Joan of Arcadia” was a good show with Amber Tamblyn as Joan Girardi. She wasn’t a staunch believer in God to begin with and when her older brother, Kevin, played by one of John Ritter’s sons was paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair due to a car accident, Joan prayed a lot to God. The next day, on the way to school, she was approached by a dark-haired teenage boy who said he was God in the form of a human teenager and he would come in different human forms ranging from young children to old people and tell her to do things like take a part time job or a school course she had no interest in. Good show, way better than FH and I guess they couldn’t handle it and it was cancelled! I hope that unlike Danny Tanner, I am actually interesting!

        Like

  35. Yellow Ranger says:

    Haha, I watched this episode a couple months ago and thought the shady manager was also entertaining a bunch of people playing poker.

    Like

  36. Bri says:

    I just love how Viper is supposed to be the bad-ass rocker kid… who:
    1) plays in a cheesy classic pop/rock band with a bunch of old dudes.
    2) is extremely clean and well-groomed.
    3) has neatly permed hair.
    4) wears a new, clean, kind-of-too-small vest.
    5) wears jeans with very neatly and matching-ly torn holes in the knees.
    6) has an indistinct fake tattoo.

    And yet, he still manages to be the most scrappy, tough character the show ever had.

    I also like what a dickbag Jesse is regarding polka music and its fans. Especially considering how lame the music is that he plays. I’d much rather listen to polka music than Forever.

    Like

  37. Dave Wollenberg says:

    ANOTHER Brooklyn-accented character, in the club owner! Talk about Brooklyn rage from the producers!

    Like

  38. blake says:

    This is driving me crazy! Whos the sexy chick in the purple at the beginning?

    Like

  39. Raunais says:

    I watched this episode on Netflix and there wasn’t the snooping part or any of these Michelle/Stelhanie parts … Why did they cut them off?

    Like

  40. Laurie says:

    I kind of dig Viper in the lederhosen. Definitely an improvement. And now I need to go murder myself.

    Like

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