Season 8, Episode 13, “The Producer”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Usually the pre-credits gag is just some throwaway bullshit where the twins and/or Michelle do something dumb, but this is one of those cases where it’s actually just the first few minutes of the episode.  As Stephanie and DJ sit down to eat cereal from little tiny boxes for some reason, Joey decides that he’s going to eat some cookies called “Vanilla Weasels” for breakfast, which are apparently his favorite thing.  He discovers that they’re all gone and wonders who ate them all (not to mention who put an empty tin back in the cupboard.  I hate that shit so much!  Ugh that totally reminds me of like every shitty roommate I ever had.) and then DJ and Stephanie start blaming each other.  Their finger-pointing leads them to make a bet over who can go longer without eating sweets, which is the kind of wager that only people who don’t have any actual vices would make.  Joey continues to whine about his stupid cookies being all gone so Jesse says that he’ll pick some up when he takes his ugly sons to the grocery store later.  Becky reminds him not to be such a pushover at the grocery store because he apparently always buys the twins whatever they want whenever he takes them.  And that, my friends, is the end of the pre-credits gag.  I don’t know, I kind of prefer it when they’re just about the twins jumping on a bed or whatever, but I guess that’s just because it’s less effort to write about.

Danny takes Michelle to Take Your Daughter to Work Day.  As a kid, I always felt cheated that girls got to miss school on those days and I didn’t, but I guess that since every other aspect of society is unfairly balanced in my favor, I can’t really complain.  As Wake Up, San Francisco wraps up, Danny cracks some lame ass joke that makes some crew member laugh until he starts choking.  Michelle hits him on the back, which makes him cough up his food, and it’s really weird to think about how he might have died if she hadn’t been standing there.  It’s almost as weird as the idea that anyone thinks that Danny is funny.

After the show wraps, Danny walks over to Michelle and tells her about how good he is at his job.  Becky approaches them and he tells her his idea for the show next week, which is to host a Welcome Back, Kotter reunion.  She seems to think that it’s a pretty shitty idea but defers official disapproval to Mr. Strowbridge, who shows up all of a sudden for the first time in like 5 years.

This kind of blows my mind.  For all of the negligent continuity this show has featured over the years, they’ve somehow managed to have the same actor show up and play this same character whenever he’s been needed for a storyline since almost the beginning of the series.  I don’t know where anybody’s love interests have gone all those times, or even a few jobs that characters have had (remember when Joey got hired to be the voice of a character for an animated series?) but at least you can always count on good ol’ Mr. Strowbridge to show up whenever a storyline requires his presence.

Anyway, Mr. Strowbridge abruptly hires Becky as the new producer of Wake Up, San Francisco (about as abruptly as he announced the creation of the show itself, as I recall) and leads her to her new office.  Danny is clearly pretty butt hurt about being passed over for the position and then Michelle’s like, “damn, Becky’s job is hella better than yours now,” which adds mad salt to the wound.

Back at the full house, DJ and Stephanie keep tabs on each other as their no sweets bet continues.  Jesse comes home and says that the twins flipped their shit at the grocery store because they wanted some cookies and then he tries to act like he held his ground but then there’s this really clever and surprising reveal where the twins walk in and they are eating cookies.

Jesse shoos them off and then he laughs nervously and says, “ahh…the twins,” as a way of acknowledging their antics, which is an oddly meta moment.  Joey comes in and asks where his Vanilla Weasels are at and Jesse tells him that they stopped making them, which is a source of great distress for Joey.

Michelle comes home with Danny and Becky and announces to the family that Becky has been hired as the new producer of Wake Up, San Francisco.  Becky cordially says that she doesn’t know why she got the job instead of Danny, which is really nice of her, especially considering that it’s a total lie.  Even though she’s slowly become a crazier and shittier person since moving into the full house, she’s clearly much more capable then Danny, especially considering that we’ve never seen a single instance of him not being completely terrible at his job.  Everyone congratulates her and then Jesse announces that he’s going to take everyone out for dinner to celebrate.  He doesn’t mention that Becky is going to have to pay for the dinner, but I guess that’s kind of a given.  Kimmie Gibbler walks in all of a sudden and hears the big news, which launches her into about a solid minute of cutting into Danny about how much it must suck for him that Becky got hired and he didn’t.  He says that he’s totally fine with it but then he walks into the living room and admits to an empty room that he feels sorry for himself, which makes the audience go, “aww.”

As Becky works on the show in the living room, Danny sits down with her and pitches his Welcome Back, Kotter reunion idea again.  She admits that she thinks that his idea sucks dick and then Danny gets all irate and threatens to quit the show.  Becky tells him that if he quits, she’ll just have to replace him and he tells her to go right ahead.

The next scene opens with Phil Blankman, the new co-host of Wake Up, San Francisco, sitting next to Becky on the show.  He has this really grating laugh that he does constantly, which is pretty necessary in order to help us understand that he actually sucks even worse than Danny.  I would have thought that the new co-host would have to be constantly vomiting diarrhea in order for it to be clear enough that he sucks worse than Danny but that obnoxious laughing thing is surprisingly sufficient.  After a few minutes of awkward banter, the scene switches over to Becky watching the episode with the family while she asks them what they think.  They all sort of dance around the fact that Phil totally sucks ass but she gets it anyway and explains that he was all that she could find on such short notice, what with Danny abruptly quitting like a big fucking baby and everything.

Joey suggests that they just ask Danny to come back to the show and Becky explains that he’s the one who quit so it’s up to him.  I wonder how uncomfortable things will get in the full house now that they don’t work together anymore but she still lives in the attic.  It’ll also be interesting to see how things change now that Danny is unemployed and unable to support a big mob of useless people.  How long before these people start eating each other, I wonder?  Anyway, after trying to offer helpful suggestions, Joey starts whining again about how they stopped manufacturing his stupid fucking cookies, which is like the lamest subplot of all time.

Danny walks in and asks everyone what they’re watching and they’re like, “uh…nothing.”  He’s carrying a big bottle and for a second I thought that he’s been trying to drown his sorrows in sweet, sweet liquor but he’s actually just trying to pass the time by failing to make a ship in a bottle.  Yeah, in the context of this show, I guess that makes more sense.  Full House is a series that’s so g-rated that a man will only try to drown his sorrows in a bottle by building a model ship in it.

Michelle walks in and asks everyone if they want to hear her report that she wrote about Danny but he tells her that he’ll hear it later, which is pretty shocking because no one ever makes that shitty kid wait for anything.

As the family all eat dinner at a fancy restaurant, Danny acts out like a big petty asshole.  The waiter comes over and asks if anyone wants dessert, which prompts the twins to start demanding it.  Jesse tells the twins that they have to finish their dinner first, at which point it becomes conspicuous that they’re the only ones who are eating. Where’s everybody else’s food?

Anyway, the twins begin the most poorly staged tantrum in the history of television and then, as the other patrons of the restaurant start staring at the scene that’s being caused, the rest of the family urge Jesse to just give the twins some fucking dessert so they’ll cut that shit out.  Jesse, in a rare display of adroit parenting, refuses to give in and takes the twins into the other room so he can reason with them.

The waiter asks the table if anyone else would like some dessert and then Joey starts whining yet again about those fucking cookies.  Michelle orders a big brownie, which DJ and Stephanie eye desperately, which leads to them making a truce by agreeing to both break their no sweets bet at the same time.  Finally, they share a piece of cookie crumble cheesecake while making unsettling moaning sounds.

Jesse comes back with the twins, who agree to stop being so shitty and eat their dinner.  I have to say, I really am amazed by this unprecedented display of capable parenting on Jesse’s part.  DJ and Stephanie ask the waiter what their cheesecake was made with and he tells them that they used their very last box of Vanilla Weasels.  Joey hears this and straight up launches himself across the table so he can start licking their plate, reaffirming a point that no one would have doubted, which is that his public behavior is even more shameful than the twins’.

The waiter suddenly recognizes Becky from Wake Up, San Francisco and asks what’s up with the shitty ass new co-host, who is shockingly even worse than Danny.  Becky and Danny start arguing again and it gets pretty heated, once again disturbing the entire restaurant (that’s the third time in about 4 minutes.  No wonder the twins don’t know how to conduct themselves in public.  No one in their entirely family does.).  Jesse, on a roll after not being a total fuck-up for once, intervenes by telling them that they love each other and Danny needs to admit that he got jealous so they can move on.  Danny tries to defend himself by saying that he wasn’t jealous and then, no fooling, Joey says, “come on, Danny, everybody gets jealous.  You just got jealous because Becky got a promotion.  Heck, I get jealous because people have, uh…girlfriends.  Their own apartments.  Lives.”  Holy shit, they actually said it!  Finally, some acknowledgement of what a bizarre loser Joey is!  I’m in awe of this moment!

Danny admits that he was being a shithead and says that he was just upset because he got passed over in front of Michelle.  Michelle asks if she can read her report now and he says sure, so she pulls it out from under the table, where she’d been keeping it that whole time for some reason.

The music comes on as she reads some really dishonest, contrived horseshit about what a great talk show host her lame dad was and then he kisses her while the audience goes, “aww.”  Becky tells him that she also thinks that he’s super great and asks him to come back to the show and he’s like, “sure,” and then they hug and the audience goes, “aww” again.

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90 Responses to Season 8, Episode 13, “The Producer”

  1. Kelvin Thompson says:

    “guess that since every other aspect of society is unfairly balanced in my favor.”

    Not true at all. >_< Everyone's got problems.


  2. Christian says:

    How convenient they show someone on this show acting like a real parent for once but only when the plot requires them to. Next week, they’ll be back to showing the entire family in the living room or in the kitchen with the twins nowhere in sight…completely unsupervised.

    Also, I now have to find this episode online just so I can hear Joey finally admit what a fuck-up he is! I simply must!


  3. Richard says:

    Yay, addition’s back!

    I bet Saget had a raging hard-on during that last scene, but what hetero or bi guy wouldn’t right?

    I never thought Stephanie was as ugly as people say she was, but damn I never want to see her “o” face again.

    Vanilla weasel sound like a terrible slang term for a white dude’s penis.

    Anyway, hope everyone had a happy Halloween. I didn’t dress up, cause that’s too much effort for a lazy fuck like me, but my sister was Punky Brewster.


    • Jamie says:

      Hahaha, Stephanie’s O face also kinds made me wanna vomit. She was gross. It’s weird because she was a cute little kid and then a pretty like, 10 year old. Then middle school happened and..well, that screenshot speaks for itself…


    • Non-Jerk Michelle says:

      Oh my gosh. That euphemism for penis, I just imagine that what Joey calls it… :shiver:


  4. Angela says:

    I had to work Halloween night. For only four hours, mind, but still… The mall I work at had a trick-or-treat thing they were doing for the kids, and I got to see some really cute costumes on some of the littlest ones (there was a toddler dressed up in a lamb outfit-so adorable). And I got to sneak a couple pieces of candy at one point. So it could’ve been worse, really.

    As for the show, hell, I’m a straight girl and I agree with you on Danny and Becky hugging (as well as Becky’s gorgeousness). That whole plotline of theirs sounds like it had this weird sexual tension lurking underneath it somewhere.

    I also agree with you on the “O” face thing. Between that and the clip of the new co-host guy laughing, I’m kind of frightened now. That cheesecake the girls are eating looks good, though.

    I’m in awe of this moment!

    Seriously, towards the end of this review I was starting to wonder if the real members of the full house had been abducted by aliens or something!

    -Joey realizes what a lazy bum he is
    -Danny is the least levelheaded of all the men in the house, choosing to act like a total crybaby instead (apparently all that advice he gave his daughters over the years about talking out your problems went right out the window. Though he did have issues with Becky over the show before, so I guess there is some precedent for this current situation)
    -Jesse acts like a normal, responsible parent
    -Michelle gets ignored for most of the episode AND does something nice by helping that guy who’s choking!

    Who…who ARE these people?!?!

    But then Joey crawled across the table to scarf down that food, so all was right with the world at the end (also, regarding those Weasel snacks, for some reason, anytime he mentioned them all I could think of were those Nilla wafers I used to eat all the time as a kid). Leave it to Joey to bring things back to normal (their definition of normal, anyway). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again-I really feel for the citizens of San Francisco, they have the patience of saints, putting up with this family for as long as they all have.

    Also, I would LOVE to see the complete and total chaos that would result from Danny being unemployed for a good length of time. If that family wasn’t homeless by the end of the month…

    And ah, Take Your Daughter to Work Day! I did that as a kid, too-I would go to the radio station where my dad worked. Talked on the air as well. I learned through that that I do NOT have a voice for radio!


    • Bridget says:

      Angela, at my Wal-Mart where I work, there were only a couple kids in Halloween costumes and they were cute! I do think the faces of ecstasy both girls made when they ate the cheesecake were pretty repulsive, though! The idea of aliens kidnapping the original family members only to replace them with clones is intriguing! Maybe it’s like in “V” with the aliens converting humans in the conversion chamber. As for the twins’ temper tantrum, if you want to see a tantrum at the dinner table, there is a good one where all 4 kids go straight up crazy in the 2008 movie “The Children.”. Those kids could actually act!


      • Jamie says:

        Hey guys! I go to the fashion instutute of technology (or FIT) in Manhattan and a lot of people dressed up even just going to class yesterday, they’re mostly all artists, so it was rad! Didn’t see any cute toddlers tho :/

        Angela, I also always thought of them as nilla wafers! :O

        And I agree, Joey climbing across the table and stuffing his face restored the balance of the full house…even Michelle hasn’t pulled that shit since she was really little, thus proving that Joey is the worst creature to ever walk the earth…


      • Angela says:

        Someone else below noticed the wafer thing, too! Glad I’m not alone :D. And totally agreed on Joey. There’s a reason he doesn’t have a steady girlfriend…

        I imagine Halloween would be VERY fun at a fashion school! Lot of creative costumes, I’m sure :). Glad you got to see a couple kids having fun as well, Bridget-I see things like that and it makes me wish I were a kid again.

        I like your “V” idea, that sounds plausible. And as for kids throwing tantrums, hell, if I want to see that (which I don’t, actually :p), all I have to do is work a Saturday at my job. It’s bound to happen at some point then.


      • Bridget says:

        Thank you, Angela, and it cheered me up to see kids in costumes. I watched “The Children” and Tom Shadryc or whatever his last name is, wrote the story when he saw his friends’ kids acting up and the parents did nothing! Good, scary British movie that goes for the slow burn! I do think some benevolent aliens hated the way the Tanners acted and switched them with clones.


      • Kimander7 says:



    • Frank says:

      Angela, when you said “who ARE these people?!?!” I read it in a Jerry Seinfeld voice in my head, which got me thinking that Jerry could do quite a bit of standup based on Full House alone.


  5. JGA says:

    Holy, shit. I just learned that there is an episode of this terrible fuckheap of a television show that I have not yet seen. I don’t know whether to laugh at the thought that there’s still a tiny piece of me that hasn’t been ruined by this utter and total piece of dogshit sitcom as a result of me somehow missing this episode, or cry at the reality that I’ve essentially wasted years of my life watching and re-watching the terrible extinguisher of souls known as Full House.


  6. hebrewersfan says:

    “Full House is a series that’s so g-rated that a man will only try to drown his sorrows in a bottle by building a model ship in it” – This sums up the entire show perfectly.

    Wasn’t this also the episode where Danny compares Becky to a cavity in a tooth, and says “if the tooth hurts, suck it”? That always stood out in my mind as the most risqué joke in Full House history.


    • Sara Wilson says:

      oh my gosh, yes! I would like to know if this is the episode where he says that joke too. If I wasn’t on my work computer I would google it. Pretty sure if you google that joke and add “full house episode” it’ll pop right up with the name of the ep.
      Haha, that joke was great! I bet someone had to do some fancy footwork to get that joke added in to this extremely g-rated show.


    • Oh Mylanta says:

      What about Stephanie’s “Horoscope? What’s that, Kimmy? A telescope that can only see your face?” Even though that was probably meant to be a play on “horror” and not “whore”, it came out pretty risque…


    • Billy Superstar says:

      yeah, this is the one where he says, “suck it.” i thought it was pretty remarkable as well, but there was such a pile-up of crazy shit that happened in the last 5 minutes of the episode that i didn’t mention it. i can always rely on the good ol’ comments section to recall the stand-out moments that i don’t cover.


  7. Alison says:

    “Full House is a series that’s so g-rated that a man will only try to drown his sorrows in a bottle by building a model ship in it.” — Sooo so true.

    Quick!! Someone call Steve, Nelson and Viper so they can all see DJ’s “O” face for the first and only time ever!

    Seriously, I know Danny sucks and all, but if you’re living in his house rent free with your annoying husband and doubly annoying twins, you should probably not tick him off by outright rejecting his ideas. And really Beck, Welcome Back Kotter is a way better show than Full House. Just go with it.


  8. Sara Wilson says:

    I think it’s hilarious how Danny is kind of half stumbling around with the gigantic bottle of ship parts. It’s like he’s drunk off depression.

    Also, I just want to say that even if he didn’t accept his job at the morning show back, and we assumed he was unemployed, he would probably be back again the next episode anyways because this show does not know continuity. It’s almost like the show just starts over again as a new series every episode. (except for good old Mr. Stowbridge, the old faithful!)

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Oh Mylanta says:

    Dude, cheesecake is always orgasmic. I pull that same O-face every time I take that first bite at the Cheesecake Factory.

    Are Vanilla Weasels supposed to be the generic television brand of ‘Nilla Wafers? Because I’d be pretty upset if those were discontinued. I feel ya, Joey. I feel ya.


  10. Jamie says:

    The subplot of the vanilla weasels and their whole “no sweets” bet was the lamest, ever! Seriously. When I was in high school all of our bets like that were about smoking bogies or drinking or something. What squares.

    For some reason, I’ll never forget the scene where Michelle saves that guy Bernie from “choking on his bearclaw” and Danny saying something like “I do a lot more than make Bernie choke.” I always find myself laughing at it for some ungodly reason. What the fuck is a bearclaw?!

    I also remember when Kimmie strolls in and calls him a stringbean in the dust or something like that. In the screenshot of him looking sad that made the audience go “aww”, he repeats the whole stringbean line and it sounded so ridiculous coming from a grown ass man and I can’t believe they forced the audience to “awww” instead of laugh. Forreal! A really bizarre scene.

    The twins look like such assholes in that first screenshot of them! The bowl hair cuts are NOT cute. And their highlights don’t even like natural, looks like they straight up went to a salon and got that shit didddddd!

    The entire restaurant scene embodies everything that full house is about. The adults act like petty assholes, the kids act like entitled spoiled brats, and Joey acts like the world’s biggest dipshit which he undoubtedly is. And, of course, it ends with Michelle being the center of attention. -__-

    Also, I may be wrong, but even tho Jesse did show some good parenting for once, I seem to remember him taking them to the other room by dragging them by their pants. Even doing the right thing, he still had to find a way to make it douchey and terrible.

    Okay, I’m ranting. I hate the fact that I remember this episode entirely. It really sucks. But your review was awesome as usual. Loved it. ❤ Have a lovely (post) Halloween weekend, ya'll :}


  11. Jake Bitterman says:

    This is one of the worst of the worst episodes. I seem to remember two things:

    1. the twins awful tantrum, in which they get on the floor and scream “we want buzzert” over and over again


    2. when Becky and Danny are arguing at the dinner table, Danny says some line like “if the tooth hurts, suck it.” which I always had no idea what they meant by that. I could never tell if that was just a stupid comment, or if they were trying to get a way for Danny to day “suck it” without making the show PG-13, or what? It was just a really awkward line.


    • Oh Mylanta says:

      What’s worse is that they don’t even scream or make the “tantrum” look even remotely believable. Holy fuck, these kids are terrible actors.


    • Lisa says:

      Yeah, they emit this robotic “We want dessert” with long pauses between each repetition and soft, unimpassioned pounding of their fists on the floor, interspersed with glances offstage to see if they should continue.


  12. Teebore says:

    Wait, so Becky gets promoted to producer, but she’s still also the co-host? That doesn’t seem right.

    Danny takes Michelle to Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

    Pfft…like he needs an excuse to foist his kids on his co-workers.

    it’s really weird to think about how he might have died if she hadn’t been standing there.

    Nice screencap. I’d swear she was trying to kill the dude.

    For all of the negligent continuity this show has featured over the years, they’ve somehow managed to have the same actor show up and play this same character whenever he’s been needed for a storyline since almost the beginning of the series.

    He’s gotta be somebody’s uncle or a producer or affiliated with the show in some other way, right?

    Becky tells him that she also thinks that he’s super great and asks him to come back to the show and he’s like, “sure,” and then they hug and the audience goes, “aww” again.

    But what about the Welcome Back Kotter reunion segment? Are they going to do it or not?!?


    • Angela says:

      Good question at the end there. One of the endless mysteries with this show, I guess.

      Pfft…like he needs an excuse to foist his kids on his co-workers.

      HA! So true.


    • Vamking12 says:

      Your as funny as billy


    • jonny says:

      its actually pretty common that a star from a show would also be a producer. That way they can maintain creative control of their show. For example, Conan O’ Brian is a producer for his own show


      • teebore says:

        That’s a good point. Maybe it stuck out to me because it seemed like Becky was being made the ONLY producer? Like, Conan is a producer on his show, but he has other producers as well.

        But this, given Full House‘s hyper-simplicity in matters of the real world, seemed like a case where the talk show as HOST and PRODUCER roles and never the twain shall meet.

        Or maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. 🙂


  13. jojomama says:

    Long time FHR fan, first time commenter, but I had to share this link that I saw today:

    Derek is now a go-go dancer. YWIA.


  14. Pink Dork says:

    What a lame-ass, shitty episode. Seriously, Michelle saves some guy’s life and they don’t even bother to go to the “I’m your slave/I’m indebted to you/Now I have to save you” sub-plot worn out tv trope…? Instead we get Vanilla Weasels and no sweets bets and twin tantrums. I suppose that might be due to the fact that everyone is ALWAYS Michelle’s slave for life on this show, so why bother going there? Also, I think I found a replacement hammer for Jesse’s priceless heirloom in the screenshot of the bearclaw eating buffoon.

    Are all you all remembering to do that thing we need to do?


    • Sarah Portland says:

      Yup. I’m always sad when that thing doesn’t provide things that I like, but I do the thing anyway. I can’t do the more direct one at this time, so I always make sure to do the indirect one instead. Just doin’ my part to make the world a better place for people who hate Joey. 😉


  15. Oh Mylanta says:

    I know this was brought up in the comments of last week’s review, but I just have to link to the Buzzfeed article about Derek’s current go-go dancing career.


    • Kyle C. Haight says:

      You didn’t click that Newport Gazette link in that article, did you, Bitterman? Unfortunately, you’re about seven months late to the joke. 🙂


      • Sarah Portland says:

        I’d watch if there was a weekly review blog about it.


      • Bridget says:

        I wonder why the article mentioned DJ and Stephanie, but not Michelle? Did she die or something? John Stamos did mention a spin-off with Jesse, Rebecca, Nicky, and Alex once. It never came to be. This would have been an opportunity for them to cast twins who could at least act!


    • Vamking12 says:

      Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. More full fucking house.


  16. seasoned salt says:

    As Billy pointed out, this episode was strangely on the ball about the various character issues that make us hatewatch the show. I never saw it that way, mostly due to my blind hatred of the twins. I remember hating this episode every time I saw it because of the ill-behaved mopheaded trolls. Also, Joey sucks and he always will.


  17. Sarah Portland says:

    So a few things:
    #1: “Vanilla Weasels” makes me think of Nilla wafers, and also the white ghosts of the weasels from Roger Rabbit. If the vanilla was good, I might consent to eat those cookies. Vanilla weasels actually sounds pretty good to me. Also, Joey’s whining about how his cookie was discontinued reminds me of the Twinkie Drought.
    #2: I hate Danny’s tie. Dunno why, I just do. It’s kind of awful.
    #3: Those O faces are creepy.
    #4: I’ve never watched this episode, but based on the fact that the twins can’t act for shit, I’m gonna guess how awful that tantrum was.
    #5: Fuck you, Becky. Danny has the only good idea he’s ever had EVER, and you shoot it down? I mean, how can you even…. RAWR. Don’t tease me with a Welcome Back, Kotter reunion, and then NOT SHOW IT. We only got two good seasons out of three from that show, but we get 8 shitty seasons out of 8 from this one, and the LEAST you could have done was bring on better actors from a better show to make up for it. Like, I’m sure FH couldn’t have afforded Travolta, but who really gives a shit about him, anyway? RON PALILLO. Just… God. Once again, this show has made me irrationally angry.
    Fuck you, Full House. Fuck you with something hard and sandpapery.


  18. Megan says:

    Oh man i wanted this to be the episode when Steph got stood up by that Ryan guy i guess that’ll be next Friday.


  19. songbird says:

    All week I look forward to your next review and then it gets to Friday and I forget about it until nighttime. Every week this happens, so frustrating!

    Firstly, is Take Your Daughter/Kid to Work Day actually a real thing?? I remember it from every TV show ever but I always thought it was just a gimmick made up for a plot, kinda like how all phone numbers start with 555…

    “Jesse shoos them off and then he laughs nervously and says, “ahh…the twins,” as a way of acknowledging their antics, which is an oddly meta moment.” (how do I do italics? test )

    I might actually have to find this episode now just so I can see this moment, meta episodes/references (intentional or not) are my favourite thing. Plus the next screencap of Bob Saget just screams “What am I doing with my life?”

    “Joey suggests that they just ask Danny to come back to the show and Becky explains that he’s the one who quit so it’s up to him. I wonder how uncomfortable things will get in the full house now that they don’t work together anymore but she still lives in the attic.”

    Imagine having no knowledge of Full House and these are the only two sentences you can use to guess what the show is about. “Okay so three people work together and one quit. Wait… she lives in the attic? What the fuck, man. How small is the house that only three people make it “full” and one has to live in the fucking attic? Why can’t they afford another bedroom? What kind of shitty job do these assholes do?”

    “Jesse, on a roll after not being a total fuck-up for once, intervenes…” “Holy shit, they actually said it! Finally, some acknowledgement of what a bizarre loser Joey is! I’m in awe of this moment!”

    I can’t believe Jesse actually acted like a capable father and adult and solved two disputes, without resorting to singing Elvis or storming off in a huff! And Joey finally recognised his own shitty life! You must have felt like you were dreaming, Billy!

    “Danny admits that he was being a shithead and says that he was just upset because he got passed over in front of Michelle.”

    AND ONCE AGAIN EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO MICHELLE. Little Michelle to the rescue with her shitty report. God, this show brings my mood right down.


    • songbird says:

      I figured out the italics! If only I could edit this comment…


    • Angela says:

      Take Your Daughter to Work Day is a real thing, yes.

      I guess they’ve since expanded it to include sons, too.

      I like the idea of trying to explain this show to someone who’s never seen it before. If we who do watch/have watched it are confused, just imagine what someone who hasn’t seen it would think!


      • Sarah Portland says:

        The best show to utilize the weirdness of “Take your daughter to work day” was, hands down, Arrested Development.


      • songbird says:

        I wish we had that day over here! Although my mum works in a supermarket so I guess I would’ve just waited upstairs or stacked shelves with her.


    • DawnieP says:

      Take your daughter to work day was real. I used to take the train into Penn station with my mom. We would grab breakfast on the way into the office. Then I would meet her co-workers and they would let me play games on their computers until lunch. Lunchtime – we went to a nice restaurant and then shopping afterwards and we would stop at the office for another hour before going home. Back then, the idea of work seemed like a lot of fun.


  20. DawnieP says:

    What were you thinking Danny when you quit your job? You have three kids, one of which is about to go to college, to care for. Not to mention a group of moochers that you have to feed and keep a roof over their heads.


  21. DawnieP says:

    “Jesse, in a rare display of adroit parenting, refuses to give in and takes the twins into the other room so he can reason with them.”

    Is that a code word for he took them into the bathroom to beat their asses?


    • Sarah Portland says:

      Yes, but you have to use old-school code phrases like “cruisin’ for a bruisin’ ” or “tan their hides”.


      • LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

        In our house, it was either “crusin’ for a brusin” or “I’ll whip you guys harder than slaves on a cotton field.”

        This was my Mom saying that to my Sister and I…And I was born in 1984…North of the Mason/Dixon Line

        Minds blown


  22. Bridget says:

    Next week, if anyone wants to look up the spoilers, Joey claims his title as the most worthless human being who ever lived! Spoiler alert: Joey gets in the way of DJ going to college, Michelle educating herself, and Stephanie from teaching the twins. You would think a guy with a teaching certificate would have more respect for education!


  23. SavaFiend says:

    So Joey leaps across the table to devour Vanilla Weasel crumbs…but Jodie Sweetin was the one who developed the addiction in real life? LOL…

    And I know this is terrible, but Steph’s “O” face seems like it would probably be the same as the face she made after she took a hit of meth.


  24. Smash says:

    Oh come on Becky, you don’t really need a co-host that badly. I’m sure she could have made a hit out of that show if she just flew solo for a while.


  25. Bubba Santoni says:

    Oh Billy…

    Looks like you might not be leaving us soon

    This is about to BLOW UP in here

    -Bubba Santoni


  26. Non-Jerk Michelle says:

    I’m really late to the flight this week, but this episode…god damn. I must praise it at least for showing that some of the characters are self-aware of their true nature as skittlefart dickwads.


  27. Kristine says:

    Just saw the news about the new series sequel…… Why do I feel like this is somehow your fault?? These years of recreating interest in Full House….. And I know I won’t be able to look away! 🙂


  28. Alison says:

    I just felt the need to point out how the guy choking in the second screenshot looks like he has the bottom half of his body on backwards.

    Carry on.


  29. Ashley says:

    Michelle gets ignored.
    Jesse acts like an actual responsible father.
    Joey admits what a useless mooch he is.

    This isn’t an episode of the Twilight Zone, is it?


  30. Brandon says:

    I Googled my way into the discovery that there is an Olsen Middle School which has a Mr. Strowbridge as its Security Specialist. There is some kind of vortex happening on this site, I assume; if not properly monitored then it may open a portal into the Full House universe.


  31. Mekii says:

    How could you not go for the Welcome Back, Kotter reunion? A classic sitcom being brought back on a little San Francisco morning talk show? THAT’S LIKE POURING AWESOME SAUCE ALL OVER A BIG PLATE OF BODACIOUS!!!


  32. LORIMAR-Telepictures says:

    If he show is still a success to this day, then nepotism plays a role. The lil’ princess will have a job for life at the show. But not as a Production Assistant, but as the STAR!!!

    As she should be.


  33. abbazabba says:

    So nobody commented that the guy’s name is Phil Blankman? As in “fill in the blank” man? That’s supreme laziness.


  34. Zana says:

    I love these reviews. And that’s coming from someone who – believe it or not – actually kind of likes this show. I used to love it as a kid and as an adult I see how bad it actually is, but I still like it, for some reason. But I must say, these reviews are hilarious. I don’t agree with calling kids ugly (and I don’t even agree that the Olsen twins at all were) and I don’t agree with saying a 16-year-old is prissy for not being ready to have sex just because she’s been with her boyfriend for a while, but other than that, these reviews are incredible. I know this was a while ago now and I’m pretty late, but still, thank you!

    Anyway, one thing that always bothers me (though I shouldn’t be surprised) on the episodes revolving around Danny and Becky and WUSF is how they always claim that Danny hosted that show before she did. When Joey was still “Ranger Joe” and he was told he was going to have a co-host, Danny said “I remember when they stuck me with a co-host”, and in this episode Kimmy goes “You’ve been doing that show longer than she has!”.

    However, Danny did some sports news thing before and the only reason he got the job on WUSF was because he was going to co-host it with Rebecca, who had experience from her previous job in Nebraska. Danny NEVER hosted that show on his own. He may have worked at that STATION longer, but they’ve been doing WUSF together from the start. He was never a “solo host” of his own show at all.

    What I’m trying to say is: Get over yourself, Danny!


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